*ahem* Forget about me?

It's okay.  I did too.  I took myself off the list again.  I let life happen and put lots of other people in front of me and my health.

I am trying to get back to me near the top.  At the top seems so hard for me with 2 kids not in school yet. It seems like someone always needs something.  I know it's stupid to not put me first and foremost, but I haven't quite figured out how to make an almost 2-year-old and almost 4-year-old understand that the world doesn't revolve around them.

I started over with the Couch to 5k program.  I just finished Week 2.  I didn't want to come post right away, kind of because I needed to prove to me that I was ready to do this again, and was serious about it.  Not a "Oh hooray! Look at me!" kind of post.

So, good things about this -

• I started over at a faster pace than I did the first time.
• I know I can do it because I've already been there, run that. :)
• I have the shoes already (and let's face it, every girl needs the right pair of shoes)
• I know how to make it work for me

Not so good things - 

• I don't seem to be getting the same runner's high as I was before.  It still feels slightly torturous.
• I have been dealing with costochondritis since July, and since I am such a big fan of doctors, well... yeah.

That's how it is now.  I know Heidi's been dealing with some stuff too, but she's working on getting back here, too.  So don't lose hope in us.  We're just struggling a little is all. :)

Quick check-in

Look at that - it's not even 10:00 here, and I've already done something to make me feel better. :)  Aren't you proud of me? I even did something last night.

A few days ago, I decided to start the 100 Push-up Challenge again, but this time I am going to do them the "girly" way.  I am a girl, so I might as well embrace it, huh?  Seriously, I decided to do it because last time we got to a point on the challenge where it was moving up in repetitions faster than my muscles were building or weight was coming off (or a combination of the 2), and it was discouraging.  So this time I am going to go with the girly way up to 100, and then start again.  I did the exhaustion test that day, and surprised myself with 12!  Last night at about 10:00 I figured there was no time like the present to start, so I did my pushups in my jammies.

Today I figured I would run again, since I know how awesome the runner's high is, and I could use that kind of feeling now especially.  I've run a few times in the last couple weeks, and went back to the C25k intervals. I know the program works, so it's a good thing for me.  I did Week 2 Day 2 this morning, and I feel great.  I am trying hard to not focus on the negative, and just go with the positive.

So, it's a start. :)

♥

The One With Couch to 5k DONE!

I did it.  I finished the Couch to 5k program.  It's amazing.  And the pride I have in myself right now is unbeatable.  I did it!  I went from barely being able to run for 60 seconds at a time to running for 30 minutes without stopping in just 10 weeks.  Talk about progress.  It's almost left me speechless though.  This is the kind of occasion that for me, this is all that needs to be said:

I DID IT!!!

Happy New Year!!!

I can't believe it's 2011!  This is the year my boys will turn 6, 3, and 2!  Scary!  But it's also the year I WILL reach my goal weight.  And I WILL run my first 5k and 10k (or half).  It's going to be an awesome year.  I am down to 235... I didn't lose or gain over Christmas, but that is a HUGE feat for me, too.

We just got home a few days ago, and I am trying to get back in the our normal routine.  It's not easy, but it is nice to be home.

Can you believe that tomorrow I will FINISH the Couch to 5k?  I know I can't.  I am still not running a full 5k, but I AM running for 30 minutes, and that's amazing!  I need to figure out what 5k I am going to run, and also how I want to proceed with the Bridge to 10k program.  I need to work on speed and longer distances... I just wish I knew what was the best route for me to go.

I also got the Zumba fitness for Wii game for Christmas from Brian.  I LOVE it!  I can't make it to Zumba classes at the PAC that often, but this is JUST like having them at home.  They even use the same music, which I really like.  I need to work on the tutorials a little more because the moves are a tad different, but it's still a killer workout and a lot of fun!

Wishing you a 2011 that you can be happy and proud of what you will accomplish!
♥, Erin

The One With Week 6 of the C25k DONE! and Monday Weigh Day

Okay, so I know it's not Monday.  I've been a tad busy lately.  Oh well, it is what it is, right?

So Monday's weigh in was good - I am down 1 more pound to 243! 4 pounds and I will be in the 230s.  And I have lost 27.8% of my goal! That's 17lbs in less than 2 months!  But moving on to bigger and better news....

I finished Week 6 of the C25k today!  I can now call myself a runner and not feel like the few minutes of walking I was still doing were cheating.  I ran for 25 minutes today, with no walking!  And I had a personal record for both pace and distance on the treadmill.  From here on out in my C25k journey, it's ALL running.  No more intervals for this chick!

As an added bonus, on my Daily Mile news feed today, one of my biggest supporters (Brodie) gave me a big shout out.  He's been very consistent on my workouts of congratulating me.  And the coolest thing is that he noticed how well I've been doing.  He's got 900+ friends on there, but he's seen the work I've done.  In less than 4 hours, I've tripled the # of friends I have on there who will be supporting me and cheering me on.  I haven't been able to stop smiling!  So Brodie, thank you SO much for being there and seeing me and what I've done.  And thank you, each of you for being there, and letting me be accountable to you.  I know you are there and watching and reading.

The One Where I Cried While I Ran Again

Yep.  I did.  I cried again.  But let me explain why...

Today was Week 5 Day 1 which says on CoolRunnings.com

Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog two miles (or 20 minutes) with no walking.

Well, we know that I am no where near the 2 miles thing, but 20 minutes... that seemed pretty far stretched to me, too. 2 weeks ago a 5 minute run scared me.

But I DID IT!!!! Sorry about the screaming, but I just had to.

I ran for 20 minutes and I didn't walk.  I didn't even have to slow the treadmill down.  I've come SO far.  I still have a long way to go, but wow. When I heard the "One Minute Remaining," the tears just came.  I did it. Wow.  I am almost speechless.  Talk about a NSV!  I made it THROUGH Week 5!  And Week 6 doesn't even scare me.

I am loving being my own inspiration and motivation.  I never thought I would get to this point.  When I started, I was at such a low point, and I never thought I would be able to move past it.  This has been bigger than I ever could have imagined it.  And I. am. doing. it.  Nothing beats this feeling.  Nothing.

Monday Weigh Day - 11/29 - FIFTEEN POUNDS GONE!

Well, 16 really.  But who's counting?  Oh yeah - ME!!!
And that's 3 down from last week.  I made it through Thanksgiving and I LOST weight!  Dr. Phil (whom I casually follow - sometimes he makes me want to poke myself and then him in the eye irks me) said that it's not uncommon for people to GAIN 12 pounds between now and Jan. 1!  OMG.  I am hoping to be down another 8 or so by then, not up!

I am feeling so good and positive about my life changes.  I have been trying to find things that Brian will do with me.  He says he has something against running, so he won't do that with me (though it really is too cold for us to run outside, and I think CPS would frown upon us leaving the boys alone at this point).  But I did find a Hundred Push-ups Challenge that we are doing together (and so is Heidi!!!) and we're enjoying.  It takes you from being able to do X amount of push-ups to around 100 in 6 weeks or so.  Very similar to the C25k program in that it's progressive.  I can already see that it's working - Monday I did a 4 push-up max, and yesterday on Day 3, I did 7!  Brian has increased his max from 14 to 18 too.  I am very proud of him.

Today was Week 5 Day 2 of the C25k (can you believe I am still doing this 6 weeks later?!?!?!) and I felt awesome after my run.  I ran for 8 minutes 2 times!  I ran more than I walked, including the warm up and cool down!  Wednesday I am on schedule to run for 20 minutes with NO walks.  I must admit, this makes me a little nervous.  20 minutes!?!?  That's a LONG time.  Like really long.  But I can do it.  I will make it work for me.  This is a shout out to all you music lovers.... I need help!!!  Right now I have 3 songs I listen to when I am doing the running portion of my workout -
"Raise Your Glass" by P!nk
"Hot n Cold" by Katy Perry  and
"Jump" by Van Halen

I need more songs ASAP that are fast paced like that.  It's getting easier and easier for me to lose myself in the music while I am running, but I can't mess with my iPod every 3 minutes if I expect to make it through the 20 minute run.  Part of my "strategy" is to not look at how much time I have left.  It psychs me out to see that I still have 4 minutes, or whatever.


Speaking of "Jump" though, I've been thinking about a new reward.  Please try to follow my convoluted ramblings here.

I had a cousin named Tony who was a bit older than I was (15 or so years, I think).  He was so much fun, played with my sister and I, was funny, and just a neat guy (a lot like his siblings).  When I was in jr. high, Tony was diagnosed with Leukemia.  He was newly married, had a baby girl, and in an instant his life changed.  I don't know the circumstances of how it came about, but I believe after he was diagnosed, he went tandem sky diving.  Our grandparents were living in Colorado near us, and Tony was in California.  Somehow a copy of his sky diving video wound up in Colorado.... the song playing during that jump was "Jump."  Every time I hear that song, I think of Tony and miss him.  But it's also lit a new fire under me.  I want to jump, too.  Every run, every time I hear that, I get a little closer to my goal.  Heidi and I have talked about meeting and sky diving together when we are both at our goals.  I don't know what I want mine to be.  199 is just my first goal.  But I do know I want to do it, even though it scares the you-know-what out of me.

I hope you all had a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving.  I know mine was, for many, many reasons!

♥
Erin

The One With Week 3 DONE - for real this time!

Hey you!


Yeah you, Week 4 of the C25k. See me over here?  Just wanted to let you know I just kicked Week 3's butt, and you're next on my list.  So watch. out.  You've been warned!


I feel amazing!!! I am D.O.N.E with Week 3.  Week 4 and it's 5 minute runs don't scare me now.  I WILL do them. I am concentrating right now on just getting the running motion down for longer periods of time, even if it means I am "running" slower than I walk.  There is a HUGE difference in the effort needed to run and not walk.  So I'll get through the C25k, and then work on increasing my pace.  And I am still okay with repeating weeks if I need to.

However, today I was able to finish with an 18:25 pace!  That means I shaved more than :30 off my pace!  I think that's great, and am REALLY proud of myself.  I feel unstoppable now.

Which brings me to something else... if you have ever considered running, I HIGHLY recommend the C25k program.  I LOVE it now.  There is a definite endorphin high after doing any kind of workout, but the high you get from running is like no other.  And all it took was giving myself permission to admit it was hard for me, and to make it work for me!  Talk about a wonderful NSV!

And I really want to give Heidi a HUGE shout out.  She's been such a good friend for me to have on this journey.  I know a lot of you are supporting us, and cheering us on, and we love and respect each of you for that.  But she is doing it with me.  She knows my struggles and triumphs, because they are hers as well.  She knows I need my butt kicked into gear now and then, and she also knows I need time to wallow in self-pity (though she doesn't let me do it for long).  She knows because she's there, living it day in and day out just like me.  I really wish we were closer, because I think we'd have some great times working out together, and just laughing and living.  I don't know how many of you know this, but I've never really "met" Heidi.  We both belong to a mom's forum, and have learned more about each other through that, but this blog has taken our friendship to a whole new level.  And I am thankful everyday that I have her.  ♥ you bunches Heidi!

Monday Weigh Day

Well, I had a stand still week.  No loss, no gain.  But I knew this was going to be a hard week going in to it.  My oldest son turned 5 on Saturday.  How is it possible that he's 5!?!?! So bittersweet to watch your children growing up.

Anyhow, I am okay with no loss.  I mean, yeah, I would have loved to hit the 240s this week, but like a quote I read a few days ago says, "Don't wail on the scale if you cheat when you eat!"  hee hee.  The eating could have been a lot better this past week, but I still feel like I am moving forward.  Not every victory has to be a victory on the scale.  In fact, I am having more Non Scale Victories (NSV) than I thought, and each one feels so good.

Some of my NSVs lately - 

I am most definitely down a pants size!  I have 1 measly pair of jeans to my name that fit.  Just one.  In a size 22.  I refused to buy more.  Part of the whole hating to clothes shop thing, and part of the not wanting to admit I am fat.  They are TOO BIG!!!  I have to put a safety pin in them to try to keep them up, but even that doesn't seem to be enough some times.  I officially need a 20!  We're going shopping this week in civilization, and if I can find a pair that won't set me back too much $ (because I don't plan on needing them for long) I am getting new pants! :)

I was getting tired of feeling like every one of my C25k workouts was punishment, and that I wasn't moving anywhere, so this week, I redid Week 1 Day 1 of the program, and I could see a HUGE improvement!   I could run each 60 seconds without questioning if I was going to make it like I did when I started.  And to make it more difficult for myself, I pushed the pace to close to 5mph!  It was great.

Another C25k NSV - I decided I wasn't ready to move on to Week 4 this week.  The 2nd 3 minute run was beating me.  It was awful.  I wobbled between stopping, and pushing myself to the point that I thought I was going to puke.  Neither happened (thankfully), but it wasn't any fun either.  It wasn't something I was looking forward to, and I knew there was no way I could run like that for 5 minutes.  So today I gave myself permission to run slower on the 3 minute runs.  You know what happened?  I LOVED it!  I loved not having to question if I was going to make it.  So my pace slowed from 18:06 per mile to 19:00 per mile.  I don't care, because I had fun!  And it was empowering to allow myself a little wiggle room.  To not be pushing it so hard that I hate it.  I don't HAVE to hate getting healthy.  I should love it. And today I did. 

My aunt recently emailed me, and part of it was so powerful for me, I was in tears.  I'd like to share some of it with you.

 What really inspired my prayers and writing was your comment about how you will start to tell someone about what you are doing and then start discounting it. I just want to say.....DON'T Ever Do That Again! It made me feel so sad. There is nothing negative about what you are doing. It is all good. This is an incredible journey you are on and the beginning is just as important as the finish. So you don't look like a marathon runner right now. That is not the point. With confidence you tell others, and you inspire others. It is like saying the first part of anything isn't as important as the last. That is not true. If you don't pour the foundation on a house you can't possibly build the walls and put the roof on it. The first stone laid to build a church is as important as the last. You are laying the ground work, traveling the hardest part of the road right now for the sweet, sweet victory of the finish line later.

I had never thought about what I am doing right now being a foundation for things yet to come.  I was in the mind set of "when I get to X pounds, I can do Y."  I need to stop focusing on what I can't do yet, and put more energy and joy into what I CAN do now.  So I can't run at a 5mph pace for 3 minutes yet.  Big deal.  I CAN run at a 3.5mph pace, and I LIKE it.  And 5 minutes doesn't seem so scary anymore.  My slower pace is just the foundation.... It's not the prettiest part of the house, but there would be no pretty part without it.  It's  boring and nobody says "Oh, look at that foundation - I want that!!!"  But the beautiful part of my house and my journey are coming.

The One With One Holiday Down.... 2 to go!

Well, we made it through Halloween.  And I managed to do better than I expected or ever have at staying out of the Halloween candy.  Today, I took all the fodder for derailing me and making me drop into the self-loathing stage chocolate out of the bucket (we have what Brian calls "socialist candy" here) and put it in a ziploc bag at the bottom of the chest freezer.  I hate getting in there, so it should be safe.  And this way the boys still get to have their treats now and then.

I am kinda freaked at how to avoid all the junk of the upcoming holiday season.  I don't want it... I just need to not eat it.  Easier said than done, though I have been doing pretty darn good if I do say so myself, when it comes to will power.

I know we will have stuff in the house. I think my focus just needs to be on keeping things in the house that are good for me that I like, too.  That way if I do feel the need to snack, I don't totally blow it on some crap I don't want or need.

I am starting to notice small differences in my body, too.  I think I've dropped a pants size.  I am having a hello of a time keeping them up at the most in opportune moments.  But since we don't have any clothing stores here (unless I want to wear Wranglers, and I don't really) I have to wait until we are in civilization at some point.  I see and feel muscles defining in my legs that I've never seen before.  It's kinda cool.

On Thursday, I figured I would just try Week 3 of the c25k, and if it was horrible, I would go back to Week 2.  With only 2 short mini-breaks where I paused the workout on my app before running again, I did THE WHOLE THING!  That's insane!  I jogged for 3 minutes without stopping, or dying.  Do you know what kind of a feat that is for me?  I still am not loving the running when I am doing it, but I am really enjoying the feeling that I get when I finish one of the runs.

Other than working out and consciously making healthier food choices, the thing I am working on right now is working on not berating myself, or discounting what I am doing.  It's easy and habit for me to say something to someone about running or that I am training for a 5k, and then follow it up with something like "Oh, well, I'm not really running much."  Or, "training, HA!" Like because I am fat, I can't run and I can't train.  I don't want to box myself in like that, because I AM running and I am training.  My training isn't like that of a seasoned athlete preparing for a full marathon or triathlon, but it is the training of someone who wants to change their life, and who WILL run a 5k.  My runs may only be 90 seconds long, but it is RUNNING!  And they will get longer, and the walks will get shorter.

I am very much looking forward to Monday's weigh-in.  If things stay like they have been the last 2 mornings, I am DONE with the 250s!  We'll see though, only 3 days and 2 workouts until then! :)

And just for cuteness factor, here are the boys in their Halloween costumes - 

The One Where I Can See the Future

What, you didn't know I was psycho psychic?  But I AM!  I can see the future.

Do you want to know what I see?  I see me running my first 5k.  I see my husband and sons at the end of it, yelling and cheering for me as I get closer and closer to the finish line.  The finish line!  I see the finish line of a 5k.  And not from a spectator standpoint either.  From that of a competitor.  Do you know what it looks like?  It's amazing.

That's what I saw today on Week 2 Day 2 of the c25k.  I had to visualize it.  If I hadn't, I don't think I would have been able to finish.  I ran Day 1 on Thursday at the gym, and felt great.  I ran Day 2 today at home, and thought I was dying.  It has to be the incline on my treadmill, right?  What else could explain how much harder it was today?  But I did it still.

And you know what?  Though I know the view of that finish line is gorgeous - I bet the feeling of being there is even better.  I'll let you know.  Just gotta wait for the future to get here.

As far as my eating is going, I've been doing pretty good.  I won't lie to you and say it's been 100% and I have no room for improvement.  But I DO think about things a lot more before I eat.  And I really make it a point to look at food as fuel and not comfort.  I am trying to find comfort in other things, myself mostly.  That can be a bit trying at times.  I know I won't be disappointed by food - it's the same.  It can't hurt my feelings or tell me it hates me or fight with it's brother.  But it WILL make me unhappy in the long run.  So I try to remember that.  And try to move on.  And be happy with me. Because you know what?  I rock!  And so does Heidi. :) ♥

Oh, and as an aside, there is nothing like having to stop a run to wipe someone's butt.  Talk about a reality check. :)

The One Where I am Feeling Great

I had 4 hours to myself today.  An occurrence so rare, I didn't know what to do with myself. Matthew, my 4 year old goes to preschool 2 mornings a week for 4 hours.  We live so far out of town that I usually try to find something to occupy the other 2 and myself until it's time to pick him up.  But today, Brian had the day off, and I was able to leave Christopher and Nicholas with him.

I dropped Matthew off and headed to the Pinedale Aquatic Center (PAC).  There is a water aerobics class at 8:30 that I've been trying to get to on Brian's Thursday off for a while.  He only has every third Thursday off, so it's not too easy.  I loved it.  It was a great workout - in fact, that's the warmest I've ever been in that pool.  When I was done, I wasn't sure if I could start Week 2 of the c25k, but I figured if nothing else, I'd at least walk on one of the treadmills for a half an hour or so.  I surprised myself, and was able to run all 6 intervals - this week is 90 seconds of running followed by 2 minutes of walking.

I am feeling great about this.  It's still hard, but I am loving it more and more everyday.  And *ahem* unofficially the scale said 250 this morning!  I can't wait for Monday!  And I really hope that keeps me out of the kids' Halloween candy this weekend! hee hee

The One With Week 1 of the Couch to 5K COMPLETE!

I did it.

I ran for a total of 24 minutes this week. 8 minutes per workout.

I don't know whether to laugh or cry.  Actually, today I did cry.  About halfway through the run, I broke down.  This is so hard.  I hate that it is so hard.  Giving up when I am in the middle of a run seems like such a good idea.  But then I visualize the scale, and what I want it to say on my weigh day.  And I push through.  But it sure doesn't feel like it's easier.  It still feels like I am going to die.  And I hate that.  I hate that I let myself get to this point.  It's not fun.  It's HARD!  Honestly, though I know your body forgets over time, I feel like having each of the boys was easier than a half an hour run is.  And I had two pitocin induced labors.

Next week scares me though.  I have to run for 90 seconds.  I thought I was going to die at then end of 60 - how the hell am I going to feel at the end of 90? Lord, give me strength.  Please.  I can do it, right?  I am not feeling it right now... maybe Monday will be better.

I have to do my weigh day this week on Sunday.  Brian will be out of town Monday morning, and I have to rely on his eyes to tell me what the scale says.  We don't have a digital scale, and I can't see the little tick marks well enough to know what it really says.  Plus, the scale hates me and when I lean forward, its says I weigh more than I do.  Nice, huh?  I am kinda nervous, just like Heidi was. It'll be okay though, right?

Hope you are all having a great weekend!  Can't wait to see my Broncos try to cream the Raiders tomorrow! :)

The One With Week 1 Day 1 of the Couch to 5K

In pursuit of my goal to be a runner, I decided to start the Couch to 5K program.  It's a 9-week long program that gradually introduces more running each week.  You are supposed to run 3 days a week with a rest day in between.

I had started the C25K program in early 2010, but I only made it to Week 2.  I didn't have my head in the game, so to speak, and that caused mental blocks that manifested themselves as physical blocks.  If I'd stayed with it, who knows what I'd be doing now.  But the past is the past, I can't change it, I can only move forward from here. So anyway, back to last time.  I found the podcasts from Robert Ullrey, which are really very good.  They have the run/walk prompts and upbeat dance type music on them.  Part of my pitfall last time though was that there was no singing for me to get lost in.

So this time around, I figured I could have Brian build me my own podcasts with one of his music editing softwares.  Not the most fun thing for him to do, but he's supporting me in my journey, so he agreed to do it.  While I was searching iTunes for the podcasts that were just the prompts, I found this app I could put on my iPod Touch that would allow me to listen to my own playlists and still have all the prompts.  The Couch to 5K app for iPhone is great!  And it was only $3!  Best $3 I could have spent.

I did the first day yesterday after wasting almost 6 hours updating my iPod so I could get the stupid app to load.  It was hard, I am not gonna lie.  And I looked ahead to the coming weeks, and all I can say is EEK! I can't imagine running for 8 minutes at a time, let alone a 20 minute stretch!  That just seems so beyond what I can do.  But that's why it's a gradual program.  And I will do it!  It just may take me a little longer than 9 weeks!

And I promised some pictures of me.  I haven't gotten Brian to take the "before" pictures yet, but I do have a family photo from August.  You can see my 4 boys, who I spend my days taking care of when I am not taking care of me.  Enjoy!