Monday, January 31, 2011

Broken... and Monday Weigh Day 1/31

Broken.  It's how I am feeling today.  I got on the scale hoping for a loss.  One stupid pound would have made my day.  What did I get?  Another big fat 235.  Again.

I couldn't help myself, and just cried.  I told Brian I was ready to stop, and didn't care. The tears streaming down my face said otherwise.  The words were just my way of trying to hide my insecurities and fear though.  I know the scale is not the best judge of progress, it's just the most convenient.  But knowing that in my heart doesn't mean my head wants to listen.  I do care.  I am not content to stop here.  But this mental game is hard.  So much harder than the work.

 ♦Weight Loss the Game - Mental Edition♦

Object:  Lower the number you see each time you step on the scale.

Strategy:  Expend more calories than you consume.  For every 3500 calorie deficit, you will lose one pound.

Tools:  Exercise, nutritional labels on foods, willpower. **

Players: 1 **

Winning the game:  Set your sights on a goal, and actually make it there.

** other tools available, though not always used, include: friends, family, huge support networks.  People with these tools in place tend to do better than others.  As such, playing this game with someone else will increase your ability to play, and ultimately win, thus making this a multi-player game if done correctly. 

New in this edition -   To make the game more interesting, we've included the most difficult option we could come up with!  We like to call it, "Your HEAD!"  If you can overcome your HEAD and still manage to lose weight, fabulous.  Please remember your HEAD will throw things at you that are difficult to surpass - fear of failure, lack of self-worth, doubt, just to name a few.

Reviews for ♦Weight Loss the Game - Mental Edition♦

"Whoa!  This game was intense.  I was plodding along, doing great, when out of left field, my HEAD got in the way.  Made it hard to want to play anymore."
"Intense.  How people overcome your HEAD still is a mystery to me.  I haven't finished the game yet."
"Weight Loss the Game - Mental Edition is so much harder than I had expected.  It's 99.8% about overcoming your HEAD, and .02% about doing the work. "

I am still plodding along though.  I want so much more than 235.  I have to break it, instead of letting it break me.  So I ran this morning, even though I didn't want to.  I pushed it hard, even though I didn't want to.  Because though I didn't want those things, I DO want what they will get me.  So even though I don't like them today, I am using them to get me what I want.

For me, this is where it ends today.  Call it self preservation if you will.  I know I am.

*I apologize for the "poor me" post today, especially to Heidi.  I hate feeling like I am raining on her HUGE victory post.  I just can't beat this broken feeling today.  I fully expect to be back to my ass kicking ways soon. ♥



  1. Two things: You are gaining muscle as you increase your miles, while also losing the extra...but muscle weighs more, so once in a while, this will happen, especially when getting rolling still! Secondly, remember where you've come from. You're making just want them to be bigger ones. Set up a modest achievable goal for the next ten days or week, and then go slay it. You'll be on top of the world and the disappointment from today will be a distant memory! You are an inspiration!

  2. You have to have to have to read this blog:

    The way she presents this.. "To succeed at long-term weight loss you have GOT to make peace with this kind of thing," is SO true. I know it's easy to beat ourselves up over no loss or a gain, but it comes with the territory and it's a sign to us that we're doing it right, not crash-dieting. :)

    Feel better!! :D

  3. Remember your NSVs! You did SPEED WORK! What?! Girl, that is AWESOME! I've been running for awhile and have YET to do speedwork. *clapping*

  4. I'm sorry you're having a tough time and I KNOW you will get through this, but I have to say I giggled at the board game part of the post. Keep going! And if you don't read her blog already, I agree with the above comment to read Escape From Obesity. Lyn is amazing and has a lot of HEAD stuff going on too.

  5. Never apologise for working the crap in your head out in your blog! That is what it is here for. And your readers are here to lend support, insight and an ear. Always remember, this is your blog. Your sandbox. You make the rules and you say anything you need to say.

    Don't give up. The scale will move, soon as long as you are working your program and working a program that works. :D