Monday, November 29, 2010

weigh day

I dreaded this weeks weigh in day. I really did! I fell off the wagon. I ate horribly and didn't exercise. I was depressed, and it was all I could do to fight back the tears everyday. I got on the scale though. And I was surprised to see that I lost 2 pounds! It was the boost and the kick in the pants that I needed! My total weight loss to date is 68 pounds. I am 7 pounds away from getting my nose pierced. I am so excited! I've wanted my nose pierced since I was in high school! Its something silly and selfish that I am doing for nobody but myself! And I cannot wait! Next week I WILL be able to say that I've lost 70 pounds!

I'm working more hours lately, which is keeping me busy. I had my days planned out and a pretty good routine going before this influx of work hours. But, that is out the window until further notice. I am hoping to get a new routine going. I haven't worked out since before thanksgiving and I'm feeling pretty crappy about that. I plan on working out tonight. I'm hoping to get a good workout in tomorrow. I have to say, though, that I have a physically demanding job. Its 8 hours of constant movement, so I know I burn a lot of cals while I am working, so at least that is something.

I have to go shopping for a new pair of dress pants, and I'm actually a little bit excited about it. I am currently in a size **eep** 24. All of my pants are big on me now, so I know I'm at least one size smaller... I'm hoping I get a nice surprise and maybe be two sizes smaller. A girl can dream right?!

Monday Weigh Day - 11/29 - FIFTEEN POUNDS GONE!

Well, 16 really.  But who's counting?  Oh yeah - ME!!!
And that's 3 down from last week.  I made it through Thanksgiving and I LOST weight!  Dr. Phil (whom I casually follow - sometimes he makes me want to poke myself and then him in the eye irks me) said that it's not uncommon for people to GAIN 12 pounds between now and Jan. 1!  OMG.  I am hoping to be down another 8 or so by then, not up!

I am feeling so good and positive about my life changes.  I have been trying to find things that Brian will do with me.  He says he has something against running, so he won't do that with me (though it really is too cold for us to run outside, and I think CPS would frown upon us leaving the boys alone at this point).  But I did find a Hundred Push-ups Challenge that we are doing together (and so is Heidi!!!) and we're enjoying.  It takes you from being able to do X amount of push-ups to around 100 in 6 weeks or so.  Very similar to the C25k program in that it's progressive.  I can already see that it's working - Monday I did a 4 push-up max, and yesterday on Day 3, I did 7!  Brian has increased his max from 14 to 18 too.  I am very proud of him.

Today was Week 5 Day 2 of the C25k (can you believe I am still doing this 6 weeks later?!?!?!) and I felt awesome after my run.  I ran for 8 minutes 2 times!  I ran more than I walked, including the warm up and cool down!  Wednesday I am on schedule to run for 20 minutes with NO walks.  I must admit, this makes me a little nervous.  20 minutes!?!?  That's a LONG time.  Like really long.  But I can do it.  I will make it work for me.  This is a shout out to all you music lovers.... I need help!!!  Right now I have 3 songs I listen to when I am doing the running portion of my workout -
"Raise Your Glass" by P!nk
"Hot n Cold" by Katy Perry  and
"Jump" by Van Halen

I need more songs ASAP that are fast paced like that.  It's getting easier and easier for me to lose myself in the music while I am running, but I can't mess with my iPod every 3 minutes if I expect to make it through the 20 minute run.  Part of my "strategy" is to not look at how much time I have left.  It psychs me out to see that I still have 4 minutes, or whatever.

Speaking of "Jump" though, I've been thinking about a new reward.  Please try to follow my convoluted ramblings here.

I had a cousin named Tony who was a bit older than I was (15 or so years, I think).  He was so much fun, played with my sister and I, was funny, and just a neat guy (a lot like his siblings).  When I was in jr. high, Tony was diagnosed with Leukemia.  He was newly married, had a baby girl, and in an instant his life changed.  I don't know the circumstances of how it came about, but I believe after he was diagnosed, he went tandem sky diving.  Our grandparents were living in Colorado near us, and Tony was in California.  Somehow a copy of his sky diving video wound up in Colorado.... the song playing during that jump was "Jump."  Every time I hear that song, I think of Tony and miss him.  But it's also lit a new fire under me.  I want to jump, too.  Every run, every time I hear that, I get a little closer to my goal.  Heidi and I have talked about meeting and sky diving together when we are both at our goals.  I don't know what I want mine to be.  199 is just my first goal.  But I do know I want to do it, even though it scares the you-know-what out of me.

I hope you all had a wonderful, blessed Thanksgiving.  I know mine was, for many, many reasons!


Monday, November 22, 2010

Monday Weigh Day - 11/22

I have left the 250s behind!!!  This morning when I got on the scale it said 247!  3 pounds gone!  I am feeling pretty good about all of this (except for the cold I have right now), and am that much closer to my goal!  I have lost 20% (well, actually it's 21.3% but who's counting - not me of course) of my 1st goal of 61 lbs.

I had a pretty great NSV on Friday, too.  We went to civilization to do a lot of our Christmas shopping.  Since my pants aren't staying up, I needed to find another pair.  When we got to Old Navy, I checked out their clearance section.  They had a nice pair of black pants in a size 20, so I grabbed them and took them to the dressing room with me. I got a great shock when I buttoned them... they were loose!  Like not falling off my rear end loose, but still, they were loose! And when I showed Brian, he said it seemed like a goofy idea to even get them because they didn't look like they would fit me for very long and I'd be in the same place I am right now.  So I grabbed the pair of 18s thinking there was no way, but guess what???  They buttoned too!  And not the ohmyGodIcan'tbreatheinthesebuttheymakemelookskinniersoIamgonnasufferthrough buttoned.  They are snug in the waist and the legs, but I can wear them just fine!  I had planned on taking a picture of myself in them as a reference point, because I do have room to lose, and they are SNUG.  I still plan on doing it, but right now I have the head cold from hell, so it may be a few days.  And this cold better not get in my way too much.  I don't see how I am going to run yet... BOO! but I will try to figure something out!

Oh, and I did Week 4 Day 1 on Saturday, and it was GREAT!  I ran for SIXTEEN minutes total!  That's 2x longer in one workout than I ran during Week 1!  I ran for 5 minutes without stopping.  It was awesome!!!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The One With Week 3 DONE - for real this time!

Hey you!

Yeah you, Week 4 of the C25k. See me over here?  Just wanted to let you know I just kicked Week 3's butt, and you're next on my list.  So watch. out.  You've been warned!

I feel amazing!!! I am D.O.N.E with Week 3.  Week 4 and it's 5 minute runs don't scare me now.  I WILL do them. I am concentrating right now on just getting the running motion down for longer periods of time, even if it means I am "running" slower than I walk.  There is a HUGE difference in the effort needed to run and not walk.  So I'll get through the C25k, and then work on increasing my pace.  And I am still okay with repeating weeks if I need to.

However, today I was able to finish with an 18:25 pace!  That means I shaved more than :30 off my pace!  I think that's great, and am REALLY proud of myself.  I feel unstoppable now.

Which brings me to something else... if you have ever considered running, I HIGHLY recommend the C25k program.  I LOVE it now.  There is a definite endorphin high after doing any kind of workout, but the high you get from running is like no other.  And all it took was giving myself permission to admit it was hard for me, and to make it work for me!  Talk about a wonderful NSV!

And I really want to give Heidi a HUGE shout out.  She's been such a good friend for me to have on this journey.  I know a lot of you are supporting us, and cheering us on, and we love and respect each of you for that.  But she is doing it with me.  She knows my struggles and triumphs, because they are hers as well.  She knows I need my butt kicked into gear now and then, and she also knows I need time to wallow in self-pity (though she doesn't let me do it for long).  She knows because she's there, living it day in and day out just like me.  I really wish we were closer, because I think we'd have some great times working out together, and just laughing and living.  I don't know how many of you know this, but I've never really "met" Heidi.  We both belong to a mom's forum, and have learned more about each other through that, but this blog has taken our friendship to a whole new level.  And I am thankful everyday that I have her.  ♥ you bunches Heidi!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Monday Weigh Day

Well, I had a stand still week.  No loss, no gain.  But I knew this was going to be a hard week going in to it.  My oldest son turned 5 on Saturday.  How is it possible that he's 5!?!?! So bittersweet to watch your children growing up.

Anyhow, I am okay with no loss.  I mean, yeah, I would have loved to hit the 240s this week, but like a quote I read a few days ago says, "Don't wail on the scale if you cheat when you eat!"  hee hee.  The eating could have been a lot better this past week, but I still feel like I am moving forward.  Not every victory has to be a victory on the scale.  In fact, I am having more Non Scale Victories (NSV) than I thought, and each one feels so good.

Some of my NSVs lately - 

I am most definitely down a pants size!  I have 1 measly pair of jeans to my name that fit.  Just one.  In a size 22.  I refused to buy more.  Part of the whole hating to clothes shop thing, and part of the not wanting to admit I am fat.  They are TOO BIG!!!  I have to put a safety pin in them to try to keep them up, but even that doesn't seem to be enough some times.  I officially need a 20!  We're going shopping this week in civilization, and if I can find a pair that won't set me back too much $ (because I don't plan on needing them for long) I am getting new pants! :)

I was getting tired of feeling like every one of my C25k workouts was punishment, and that I wasn't moving anywhere, so this week, I redid Week 1 Day 1 of the program, and I could see a HUGE improvement!   I could run each 60 seconds without questioning if I was going to make it like I did when I started.  And to make it more difficult for myself, I pushed the pace to close to 5mph!  It was great.

Another C25k NSV - I decided I wasn't ready to move on to Week 4 this week.  The 2nd 3 minute run was beating me.  It was awful.  I wobbled between stopping, and pushing myself to the point that I thought I was going to puke.  Neither happened (thankfully), but it wasn't any fun either.  It wasn't something I was looking forward to, and I knew there was no way I could run like that for 5 minutes.  So today I gave myself permission to run slower on the 3 minute runs.  You know what happened?  I LOVED it!  I loved not having to question if I was going to make it.  So my pace slowed from 18:06 per mile to 19:00 per mile.  I don't care, because I had fun!  And it was empowering to allow myself a little wiggle room.  To not be pushing it so hard that I hate it.  I don't HAVE to hate getting healthy.  I should love it. And today I did. 

My aunt recently emailed me, and part of it was so powerful for me, I was in tears.  I'd like to share some of it with you.
 What really inspired my prayers and writing was your comment about how you will start to tell someone about what you are doing and then start discounting it. I just want to say.....DON'T Ever Do That Again! It made me feel so sad. There is nothing negative about what you are doing. It is all good. This is an incredible journey you are on and the beginning is just as important as the finish. So you don't look like a marathon runner right now. That is not the point. With confidence you tell others, and you inspire others. It is like saying the first part of anything isn't as important as the last. That is not true. If you don't pour the foundation on a house you can't possibly build the walls and put the roof on it. The first stone laid to build a church is as important as the last. You are laying the ground work, traveling the hardest part of the road right now for the sweet, sweet victory of the finish line later.
I had never thought about what I am doing right now being a foundation for things yet to come.  I was in the mind set of "when I get to X pounds, I can do Y."  I need to stop focusing on what I can't do yet, and put more energy and joy into what I CAN do now.  So I can't run at a 5mph pace for 3 minutes yet.  Big deal.  I CAN run at a 3.5mph pace, and I LIKE it.  And 5 minutes doesn't seem so scary anymore.  My slower pace is just the foundation.... It's not the prettiest part of the house, but there would be no pretty part without it.  It's  boring and nobody says "Oh, look at that foundation - I want that!!!"  But the beautiful part of my house and my journey are coming.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Nothing is going to get me down!

Last night was weigh day. I lost a pound. I know a pound is better than nothing, but I exercised almost everyday. I ate relatively well. There were a few meals in which I didn't chose the healthiest things, but I stayed within my calorie limits. I'm at a point in which the weight is not melting off the way I really want it too. The little voice in the back of my mind is telling me to do go Atkins, or do the Shakeology cleanse to drop pounds fast, thinking it'll give me a boost. But... the I really don't want to do either. I want to eat healthy everyday without cutting anything out of my diet. I know what to eat, I know what not to eat and I want to stay within those limits. I can't help but be a *little* bit disappointed in only losing a pound. This pound is off for life, and its a pound I will never have to lose again, and that is nothing to be disappointed about.

I let the number on the scale rule me too much. So I am going to follow the advice of my nurse at work, and I am going to skip my weigh in next week. When I get on that scale in 2 weeks I will be mid 260's and that will be a great great feeling!

I also have to make a confession. I am a depressed person. I have suffered clinical depression for a good portion of my life. Along with that I suffer anxiety. Since I have started exercising regularly I have not had to take any of my anxiety medication. I have been HAPPY! I am not letting stress get to me. I am smiling, and I am laughing. I want to dance!! In fact I have made a commitment to have regular dance parties. Granted I will be dancing with no one but myself but I can't wait to CRANK up the music and just dance!

Monday, November 8, 2010

There are NO quick fixes!!

I am having a very good day today! I love days like these. Days when I wake up and know what I'm going to do, what and when I'm going to eat. There is no guess work, and the routine is comforting. Most of all I know it works. I've seen results! This is (slowly) becoming a passion for me, and I hope I can someday help motivate others to start, or continue, their own weight loss journey.

I woke up, and got my son off to school. I came home and had my Shakeology. I just got done with my work out. I did the 20 minute Turbo Jam, and the standing Ab Jam. I did the Turbo Jam full impact (for the most part) and I got my heart rate up to 90% during the Turbo. I did the standing Ab Jam because I still had energy and I wanted to do the whole Ab Jam. But then I got done with the standing and I was exhausted LOL According to my heart rate monitor I burned about 650 cals this past hour. I ate a bowl of my homemade chicken noodle soup for lunch. I was bad and didn't have a snack, but I need to go grocery shopping. We really do not have much in the house.

I feel like Erin and I are really accomplishing something with, not only our weight loss, but our health in general. We are doing it the old fashioned way, which is the only way for me. I've thought seriously about using pills, even went as far as asking my doctor about them. I've thought seriously about bariatric surgery at one point. I've even thought about doing extreme cleanses to lose weight quickly. I've read up on all of these different ways of losing weight. And it all come back to the fact that major lifestyle choices are necessary to maintain weight loss. And there can be serious side effects with pills, surgeries and cleanses.

One major weight loss medication is Phentermine. Phentermine is a stimulant as well as an appetite suppressant. It is supposed to be prescribed to those who are morbidly obese with risk factors to the persons health such as diabetes, or high blood pressure. Phentermine is also habit forming, and can cause "unpleasant side effects" upon sudden withdrawal. Yeah, it works, but if during the time a person uses this medication they do not learn how to eat properly as well as start on an exercise program and stay with it, they are going to gain the weight back as soon as they stop using the medication. There are reasons I am overweight. I was a chronic over-eater, I ate junk food, processed food, a lot of carbohydrates, very little fruits and veggies. I lived a sedentary lifestyle. If I were to take Phentermine, and continue that lifestyle sure I'd lose weight, but where would I be when I quit taking the medication? Right back to where I started. Only now I'll know what it felt like to fit in the smaller jeans. I'd be defeated and deflated!

Alli, is an over the counter medication, that helps the body block the fat that would otherwise be absorbed in the body. Now there are some really really nasty side effects if you eat over the recommended amount of fat in your diet. I'm not going to list the side effects here, but I'll give you this link. Go about 3/4 down the page and you'll see a whole list. Yes it is said that if you eat the reduced fat diet that is recommended with Alli then the side effects are greatly reduced. BUT we should be eating a reduced fat diet anyways. Our bodies do, in fact, need some fat for healthy skin, hair, joints, etc. Blocking all fat is not a good thing. If we cut back on our fat intake, and eat the right kinds of fats (such as mono-unsaturated fats, as well as poly-unsaturated fats) and we exercise we will be lose weight. And we will be doing it in a healthy way.

I do see the need, and the benefit for many people that do, in fact, need bariatric surgery. I feel it can truly be a blessing to those who need it! I know, however, that it is not for me. My highest weight was 332 pounds. I was miserable and felt like I'd never lose weight. But then I walked in the doors to the Biggest Loser Club meeting that night back in April 2009. And I put in the effort. I lost seven pounds the first week of the challenge. I knew then that I COULD DO IT! Since that first night I have lost 61 pounds. I am on track for reaching my main goal of losing 100 pounds in two years. By April I WILL have lost 100 pounds. So I know I can do it. And I feel so blessed and lucky that I am one who can do this. I know many cannot. I also know of at least three people who have had bariatric surgery in some form or another, and who are now extremely morbidly obese. One woman is a friend of my cousin. She had lapband put in. She never changed the way she ate, never changed her activity level, does not exercise and hasn't lost a pound. NOT ONE! The other two people make me sad. To have gone through all the pain and recovery from surgery and then lost all that weight, only to put it back on plus would be the worst kind of failure for me. If I can't change my life NOW, I can't change it after the fact, and I refuse to put myself through that, nor do I see the need seeing as how I am doing this on my own. I have to add, though, that Erin and I have a mutual online friend who had major bariatric surgery at he beginning of June, and has lost 62 pounds so far according to her ticker. I wish her so much happiness and success because she really truly deserves it. Love ya Kacy!

There have been a lot of talk on cleanses as well. I view these as a quick fix honestly. Our body naturally cleanses itself. That is what our liver and kidneys do. They filter out the toxins and our body gets rid of it as waste. Yes, if we extremely limit our calorie intake and take laxatives or excess fiber we are going to get rid of some poundage. But it won't be of "toxins" or of fat. We will lose muscle because our body goes into starvation mode. Again once the cleanse is over, weight will come back on, and now you gotta work harder to regain muscle mass. Another tip, muscle burns more calories than fat does. So these cleanses actually kick ya in the ass twice. Just sayin'....

Healthy diet and exercise go a long long way! Its not just the "old fashioned" way of doing it. Its the only way that really works. If you decide to use medications, pills, or surgeries to help you along, you HAVE to do the work! There are no quick fixes!

The One With 10lbs. GONE!!!

Yep, I am officially down 10 pounds!  Yay!

I was a little bummed that it wasn't 11 pounds this morning, but I don't want to let stupid things like "I only lost 1 pound" derail me.  I should be thrilled! And I am.

Every pound lost is one closer to my goal.  Every pound lost is 1.63% of my goal!  Which means as of today, I have lost 16.3% of my goal!  That's almost a fifth of the way there!

This week I am going to concentrate on the same things I have been. I need to try to get in exercise at least 5 days - I missed three days last week. :( It's Matthew's birthday week though, too, and that will have different challenges with everything I need to do in order to prepare for it. 

Sunday, November 7, 2010

We're doing it!

Last week was a good week for me. My weigh day was friday and I lost 3 pounds!! That makes 8lbs, I think, from when Erin and I started this journey together, and 61lbs total! I worked really hard last week, and that was a great reward! Another great reward.... having to pull up my pants at work! My husbands aunt handed down some scrubs to me. They've always been a bit tight in the upper thigh area and fit just right in the waist. Big in all areas now!! My undies are even big! My bras are too big now too. I can't wait go shopping for some smaller clothes. I am going to hold out for a little bit though. I want to skip the 22's and go straight to the 20's, or maybe even 18's. That would be a great feeling!

So, what am I doing to stay on track? I am eating every 2 1/2-3 hours. I've never been a big breakfast person, but I am eating as soon as I get Ethan to school, or very shortly after waking up. then a couple hours later I'll eat a banana or an apple. Then for lunch I am having Shakeology, which is complete nutrition in a glass and only 140 cals. Then another lil something, usually carrots, while I'm making supper, and then of course supper. I try to be done eating after supper. I had one day last week that I felt like I ate a lot of food, and thought for sure I really went over my calories by a lot. But I entered in everything I ate into and found out I actually came UNDER my calorie goal! I am trying to eat clean, and lean. Trying to pump up the protein, and lower my carb consumption. The carbs I eat are always whole wheat, or in my fruits and veggie's. I won't eat white anymore. No potatoes, white rice, pastas, breads, etc.

I am also getting more routined and disciplined with my workouts. Turbo Jam is so much fun, and I am seeing such a difference in my energy level and stamina. I also added some strength training last week. I only used 3lbs weights and I only did one strength workout but I really felt it! I'm hoping to do 2 strength workouts this week, along with my cardio and ab workouts. I can't wait to measure myself again to see how many inches I have lost!

I only have 9 pounds to lose before I can say I've lost 70 pounds! And I only have 14 pounds to lose before I can get my nose pierced! I can't wait! I am so proud to say that Erin and I are working this, and we are DOING IT!!

Friday, November 5, 2010

The One With One Holiday Down.... 2 to go!

Well, we made it through Halloween.  And I managed to do better than I expected or ever have at staying out of the Halloween candy.  Today, I took all the fodder for derailing me and making me drop into the self-loathing stage chocolate out of the bucket (we have what Brian calls "socialist candy" here) and put it in a ziploc bag at the bottom of the chest freezer.  I hate getting in there, so it should be safe.  And this way the boys still get to have their treats now and then.

I am kinda freaked at how to avoid all the junk of the upcoming holiday season.  I don't want it... I just need to not eat it.  Easier said than done, though I have been doing pretty darn good if I do say so myself, when it comes to will power.

I know we will have stuff in the house. I think my focus just needs to be on keeping things in the house that are good for me that I like, too.  That way if I do feel the need to snack, I don't totally blow it on some crap I don't want or need.

I am starting to notice small differences in my body, too.  I think I've dropped a pants size.  I am having a hello of a time keeping them up at the most in opportune moments.  But since we don't have any clothing stores here (unless I want to wear Wranglers, and I don't really) I have to wait until we are in civilization at some point.  I see and feel muscles defining in my legs that I've never seen before.  It's kinda cool.

On Thursday, I figured I would just try Week 3 of the c25k, and if it was horrible, I would go back to Week 2.  With only 2 short mini-breaks where I paused the workout on my app before running again, I did THE WHOLE THING!  That's insane!  I jogged for 3 minutes without stopping, or dying.  Do you know what kind of a feat that is for me?  I still am not loving the running when I am doing it, but I am really enjoying the feeling that I get when I finish one of the runs.

Other than working out and consciously making healthier food choices, the thing I am working on right now is working on not berating myself, or discounting what I am doing.  It's easy and habit for me to say something to someone about running or that I am training for a 5k, and then follow it up with something like "Oh, well, I'm not really running much."  Or, "training, HA!" Like because I am fat, I can't run and I can't train.  I don't want to box myself in like that, because I AM running and I am training.  My training isn't like that of a seasoned athlete preparing for a full marathon or triathlon, but it is the training of someone who wants to change their life, and who WILL run a 5k.  My runs may only be 90 seconds long, but it is RUNNING!  And they will get longer, and the walks will get shorter.

I am very much looking forward to Monday's weigh-in.  If things stay like they have been the last 2 mornings, I am DONE with the 250s!  We'll see though, only 3 days and 2 workouts until then! :)

And just for cuteness factor, here are the boys in their Halloween costumes - 

Monday, November 1, 2010

A new day

Today is a new day and thank goodness for that! Last week sucked! My husband had surgery on Friday, spent Friday night in the hospital and on was able to come home on Saturday. I worked last night. I didn't get much sleep this morning but that is okay because I can sleep tonight. So far today is a good day. I've been annoyed by a few situations, but I am learning to deal with my emotions in ways other than food, and that is a positive direction to move in.

With all the stress that came with last week I gained a pound :( I am disappointed, but I won't let this stop me from my mission! This week shouldn't be half as busy, and chaotic, and stressful as last week was, so I have no excuses. My husband is also motivated and excited to live a healthier life. He is on board with me 100%, and this is very important to me. Once he's healed from his surgery he is going to exercise with me as well.

Monday Weigh Day

I am thrilled to tell you that even though I have been surrounded by Halloween candy the past few days, I resisted the temptation for the most part.  And it showed this morning!

I lost 2 pounds!!!

It's amazing to me that even though I wanted chocolate last night like you wouldn't believe, I wanted the scale to move more! And it did.