another new beginning

I am SO HAPPY the holidays are over! I am SO HAPPY I no longer have an excuse to eat cookies, and sweets, and carbs, and junk. I got on the scale at work tonight and it was not good. Not good at all. I am sick of my cravings ruling me. I am so sick of the scale ruling me. So today is day 1 of "shock my system into losing a shit ton of weight" My plan includes: drinking more water than diet pepsi, eating lots of protein and very little carbs. I'm only planning on this being initially. I have got to cut my carb cravings and its gonna have to be cold turkey. Once I've lost this weight I gained back I will eat more carbs and get back to a more normal diet. But for now this is the way its gotta be. I worked a 12 hour shift last night, and I am exhausted. I won't get any exercise in today since I need to sleep, and my house is in need of attention. I work again tonight, and tomorrow night. I want to commit to doing Ab Jam everyday, but I'm not sure how realistic that is since I'm having a hell of a time finding time for anything lately. For today I'm watching what I eat and drink. Today is another new beginning!!!!!!!

Monday Weigh Day - 12/20 - TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS GONE!!!

I dropped another 4lbs. this week.  It has to be the running, right???  I don't know what else it could be.  I don't feel like I am depriving myself of anything.  Granted, I am not giving in to every cookie or candy or french fry that comes my way, but I am not totally avoiding sweets or treats either.  Could I actually have found a balance that works for me!?!?!  I feel great.  I got into my "skinny" 18s the other day, too.  I haven't worn these since right after my niece was born in 2008.  It felt awesome to have them on.

Okay, this has to be quick... I am a day behind on my running (whoops!) and I am just waiting for my iPod to be charged enough to go out and do my first outdoor run (eek!).

Monday Weigh Day - 12/13 - TWENTY POUNDS GONE!

Yes, I know it's Friday.  Trust me.  The "to do" list I have that has to be done before we go home for Christmas tomorrow morning is hanging over my head reminding me constantly that it's Friday.  But once again my weigh day post is late.  Sue me. :)

I lost 4 pounds last week!  That brings my grand total to 21lbs.!!!!  I was so shocked Monday morning that I made Brian check the scale 3 or 4 times before I believed him.  I have no idea what I did last week that made it such a fabulous drop, but I will take it.  Especially because I have no faith at all that Monday will bring another loss.  As a forewarning, my post is going to be late next week too.  We're heading to my father-in-law's house tomorrow, and I don't think I will get a chance to update until sometime Tuesday when we are at my parents.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!  And just say "NO" to the Christmas goodies.  I am going to try to, too!

The One With Week 6 of the C25k DONE! and Monday Weigh Day

Okay, so I know it's not Monday.  I've been a tad busy lately.  Oh well, it is what it is, right?

So Monday's weigh in was good - I am down 1 more pound to 243! 4 pounds and I will be in the 230s.  And I have lost 27.8% of my goal! That's 17lbs in less than 2 months!  But moving on to bigger and better news....

I finished Week 6 of the C25k today!  I can now call myself a runner and not feel like the few minutes of walking I was still doing were cheating.  I ran for 25 minutes today, with no walking!  And I had a personal record for both pace and distance on the treadmill.  From here on out in my C25k journey, it's ALL running.  No more intervals for this chick!

As an added bonus, on my Daily Mile news feed today, one of my biggest supporters (Brodie) gave me a big shout out.  He's been very consistent on my workouts of congratulating me.  And the coolest thing is that he noticed how well I've been doing.  He's got 900+ friends on there, but he's seen the work I've done.  In less than 4 hours, I've tripled the # of friends I have on there who will be supporting me and cheering me on.  I haven't been able to stop smiling!  So Brodie, thank you SO much for being there and seeing me and what I've done.  And thank you, each of you for being there, and letting me be accountable to you.  I know you are there and watching and reading.

Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end...

I had an idea for a blog post earlier, but then I forgot it. LOL I wanted to come on, and let you all know that I worked out! I did the 20 Minute Cardio with Turbo Jam. It was fun, and I am glad I did it. My mother-in-law has been wanting to workout with me. I'm hoping she'll be able to come over and we'll be able to Turbo Jam together. It will be really nice if this is something I could share with her.

I ate healthy today. My legs and ankles were swollen this morning at work. I'm hoping to flush whatever it was out of my system. I drank 64 oz of water plus some today, and had 2 Shakeologies. I'm hoping this will be a good jump start back into a better routine. I have to overhaul my daily routine, and have seperate routines for days I have to sleep/work and days off. I think I'm going to workout before going to work, which means I have to start my "getting ready" routine earlier. I have to get a lot better about pre-planning things such as meals, and grocery shopping. Use my rare days off to get chores done. I can't continue doing things the way I have been. It is very clearly not working.

So I'm back on the highway. Can't say I enjoyed my little detour... it sucked actually. But... every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end. I have so much to look forward to, and I have so much further to go. So much more to experience. Can't give up now!

Its not good.

I am ashamed. There is no other way to say it. I haven't exercised in weeks. I haven't fallen completely off my diet, but it hasn't been the greatest either. I'm in a rut. I'm suffering a mental block. I don't know the exact reason why I've gotten so far off track. All I know is that I'm here, and I don't know how to fix it.

I have PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). My entire life I have never had a normal menstrual cycle unless I was on birth control, or fertility medication. Until this past year at least. For a good six months my period came at the end of the month without fail. During this time I'd have the weirdest symptoms then after those symptoms subsided I'd get very depressed. Severely depressed. Then I'd get my period and I'd feel normal again. It took me a few months to realize that the symptoms I was feeling was my ovulating, and I was suffering some sort of post ovulation depression. Well, my periods ceased for a few months. It came back last month, along with the severe post ovulation depression. That was the beginning of my downfall.

Then work got crazy. A PM shifter was let go, so one of my midnight shift co-workers filled in her spot, and I filled in my co-workers shifts when it was possible. I'm a part timer. I like being a part timer. So here I am working full time hours, not used to it. Depressed, and sleeping my days away. Exercise went to the wayside because I really didn't have time.

Just as I'm starting to pull myself out of the trench, tragedy tore our small community apart. A 15 year old sophomore at a local high school held his classmates and teacher hostage with 2 handguns. It all ended with the police storming the room, and this child shooting himself. He died the next day. Now I wasn't involved personally, nor did I know anyone involved. But, we used to live a mile down the road from this high school. My husband works in this town. As a parent, as a human, I was terrified for those kids and their parents. I cried for them.

The next morning I dropped my son off at school My old high school welcomed alumni to sing with the high school chorus for the christmas concert. I was heading into town to practice with the chorus class when I got a call. It was Jamie, a close friend, co-worker and my husbands cousin. She informed me that my sons school was on lockdown, surrounded by cop cars and fire trucks, and there was a bomb threat. I was terrified! I turned around and went straight to his school. I didn't know if he was afraid, if the school was going to evacuate or if they would dismiss the students. The elementary school was on lockdown, but they didn't receive the threat, and they were safe, and going on as usual. The high school, however, was another story. Jamie's daughter attends that school as well as other cousins. My house is across the street from the high school, surrounded by the drama. We were all very thankful when the kids were signed out and released. And relieved when hours later two bomb sniffing dogs cleared the building. I swear it took years off from my life though.

Last night was the alumni concert. I went on stage with zero practice, and not knowing two of the songs. I was pretty much terrified. It went alright though. It was a late night. We went out to eat afterwords, and bowled a game as well. Didn't get home until 10:30. Poor Ethan was so patient and was so well behaved he deserved to have some fun.

That leads me to today. I slept for a full 12 hours last night. And in all honesty I've been on the couch reading and surfing the net since I woke up. I have to work tonight, and I have a 12 hour shift tomorrow. I'm working full time hours again this month. I'm exhausted at the thought. I want daylight hours in which to do what I need to do. I want privacy to workout. I want time to reflect and plan. I don't have that time. My life, at the moment, is taking care of others. I am a caregiver, but it often gets to the point where I don't take care of myself. I NEED the quiet time. I need time to chill on facebook. I need time to read. I need time to listen to music and chat with friends. I need time to breath!

SO, there it is. I'm struggling. I haven't gained any weight, thankfully, but I cannot seem to get my head back into the game. I'm feeling selfish, and quite frankly, lazy.

The One Where I Cried While I Ran Again

Yep.  I did.  I cried again.  But let me explain why...

Today was Week 5 Day 1 which says on CoolRunnings.com

Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog two miles (or 20 minutes) with no walking.

Well, we know that I am no where near the 2 miles thing, but 20 minutes... that seemed pretty far stretched to me, too. 2 weeks ago a 5 minute run scared me.

But I DID IT!!!! Sorry about the screaming, but I just had to.

I ran for 20 minutes and I didn't walk.  I didn't even have to slow the treadmill down.  I've come SO far.  I still have a long way to go, but wow. When I heard the "One Minute Remaining," the tears just came.  I did it. Wow.  I am almost speechless.  Talk about a NSV!  I made it THROUGH Week 5!  And Week 6 doesn't even scare me.

I am loving being my own inspiration and motivation.  I never thought I would get to this point.  When I started, I was at such a low point, and I never thought I would be able to move past it.  This has been bigger than I ever could have imagined it.  And I. am. doing. it.  Nothing beats this feeling.  Nothing.