Look at that - it's not even 10:00 here, and I've already done something to make me feel better. :) Aren't you proud of me? I even did something last night.
A few days ago, I decided to start the 100 Push-up Challenge again, but this time I am going to do them the "girly" way. I am a girl, so I might as well embrace it, huh? Seriously, I decided to do it because last time we got to a point on the challenge where it was moving up in repetitions faster than my muscles were building or weight was coming off (or a combination of the 2), and it was discouraging. So this time I am going to go with the girly way up to 100, and then start again. I did the exhaustion test that day, and surprised myself with 12! Last night at about 10:00 I figured there was no time like the present to start, so I did my pushups in my jammies.
Today I figured I would run again, since I know how awesome the runner's high is, and I could use that kind of feeling now especially. I've run a few times in the last couple weeks, and went back to the C25k intervals. I know the program works, so it's a good thing for me. I did Week 2 Day 2 this morning, and I feel great. I am trying hard to not focus on the negative, and just go with the positive.
So, it's a start. :)
♥
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Monday, June 20, 2011
Rough Day...
Today has been hard for me. Really hard. I got on the scale to see just how much I've gained back. 17lbs. Ouch! I am so mad at myself, and for letting everything be more important than me again.
This starts such a spiral in me, too. It's where the "what does it matter" thoughts come from. And the "it's never going to happen" thoughts.
I HAVE to get back on track. And I need to learn to like me again. I think part of the down in the dumps crap is all part of being female and having wacked out hormones for part of the month. And part of it is that I realize NOW how much better I felt. It sure didn't seem like I was getting anywhere, but I know better now. Why is it that hindsight is always 20/20? And why is it that getting back there now seems so much harder than it did before?
I wish someone could give me answers to these questions, though they are more rhetorical than anything. Tomorrow is another day, and I will do something for me to make me feel better... I just need to figure out what it is.
This starts such a spiral in me, too. It's where the "what does it matter" thoughts come from. And the "it's never going to happen" thoughts.
I HAVE to get back on track. And I need to learn to like me again. I think part of the down in the dumps crap is all part of being female and having wacked out hormones for part of the month. And part of it is that I realize NOW how much better I felt. It sure didn't seem like I was getting anywhere, but I know better now. Why is it that hindsight is always 20/20? And why is it that getting back there now seems so much harder than it did before?
I wish someone could give me answers to these questions, though they are more rhetorical than anything. Tomorrow is another day, and I will do something for me to make me feel better... I just need to figure out what it is.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Regaining Lost Ground
So I've been pretty quiet. The quietness has been my refusal (or denial) to accept that I've lost a lot of ground. Both on the scale, and with the running. I could tell you all my excuses reasons why, but I won't. Because no matter what the issues were, it doesn't change the now. The simple fact is that I wasn't putting in the effort, and I wasn't eating like I should.
One thing I think that has put up a road block for me is fear of who I will be when I get to goal. Everyone talks about this "new person" they become when they lose weight, or go through any major life altering event. I don't WANT to change. I like who I am. Do they mean personality, or habits, or likes, or what? I don't do well with change. I am a planner. So I have a fear of myself. Pretty stupid and irrational, but I believe that's the definition of true fear. Why can't I shake it? Any suggestions you have on the matter would be HUGELY appreciated.
So I am trying to regain the ground I lost, and just find a "new normal" for me, and go with it. I want this, I want to be healthier, and know that I will be around for my boys, and that's my driving factor right now - the 3 (okay 4, Brian is one of the Rowdy Bunch, too) of them.
One thing I think that has put up a road block for me is fear of who I will be when I get to goal. Everyone talks about this "new person" they become when they lose weight, or go through any major life altering event. I don't WANT to change. I like who I am. Do they mean personality, or habits, or likes, or what? I don't do well with change. I am a planner. So I have a fear of myself. Pretty stupid and irrational, but I believe that's the definition of true fear. Why can't I shake it? Any suggestions you have on the matter would be HUGELY appreciated.
So I am trying to regain the ground I lost, and just find a "new normal" for me, and go with it. I want this, I want to be healthier, and know that I will be around for my boys, and that's my driving factor right now - the 3 (okay 4, Brian is one of the Rowdy Bunch, too) of them.
Monday, May 9, 2011
6 weeks
Spring is FINALLY here! In the Upper Peninsula of Michigan it feels like we have snow 6-7 months of the year. When it feels like spring has sprung Mother Nature feels it necessary to bury us a few more times. Its frustrating. Its depressing!
During this past winter I've fallen off the wagon big time. I know I blogged about it a few times, and I made a few half hearted attempts to get back on. I've failed. I could come up with a bunch of excuses, a couple of them valid, most of them not, but I won't. All of us suffer through being busy, work, weather, headaches, etc. I let all of those things get in my way. I've been very unhappy.
I've recently been diagnosed with TMJ (Temporomandibular joint disorder) and Bruxism (grinding of the teeth.) For the past 3-4 months I've had non-stop headaches. The pain starts in my forehead and temples, causes ear aches, neck aches that radiate into my shoulders. I'd go to bed with the pain and wake up with the pain. It was too much to take at times with the headaches within migraine territory. Sound sensitive, light sensitive, periods of sharp jabbing pains in my my ears and head. At times my hearing was effected as well. I've recently had a mouth guard fitted properly by my dentist, along with some great advice on how to deal with all these issues, and prevent it from getting worse. I'm so happy to say that I am finally feeling some relief! ( So much for not making any excuses right!?)
With the relief from the headaches, and the bright sunshine, and warmer weather I'm ready to get back into the game! My friend and co-worker convinced me to go for a walk with her before work the other night. A half hour and 2 miles later I was exhausted! I felt great though. Yesterday for Mother's Day my husband and son took me hiking at a few county parks to look at waterfalls. It was a fantastic day. My butt and abs were dying yesterday but feel wonderful today. I started my day off today with Shakeology. I need to have a snack or lunch here soon. I'd like to do some Turbo Jam. I wanted to do some ChaLean Extreme as well, but I don't want to do too much too fast.
I have some wonderful motivation as well. The dreaded 10 year high school reunion! I'm not totally dreading it. In fact I'm looking forward to seeing most of my classmates! It should be a fun time. I have gained an insane amount of weight since I was in high school. I wish I had a picture to share with you. I was a size 12-14 and at my thinnest weight ever. I was "goth" haha, yes one of them dorky kids. I've changed a lot. But I'm not happy with myself physically. I need more self esteem. I want to feel better all the way around. I want to feel healthy and happy. I know I need to get this whole exercise thing back on track, as well as my diet. Today is day 1 of my personal challenge to lose as much weight as I can in 6 weeks. I'm not going to lay out any goals for myself because I am done with disappointing myself, and setting myself up for failure. I want to lose weight. I WILL lose weight. I will be happy no matter what as long as I see the scale go down.
I am once again a fat chick with a mission!!!
During this past winter I've fallen off the wagon big time. I know I blogged about it a few times, and I made a few half hearted attempts to get back on. I've failed. I could come up with a bunch of excuses, a couple of them valid, most of them not, but I won't. All of us suffer through being busy, work, weather, headaches, etc. I let all of those things get in my way. I've been very unhappy.
I've recently been diagnosed with TMJ (Temporomandibular joint disorder) and Bruxism (grinding of the teeth.) For the past 3-4 months I've had non-stop headaches. The pain starts in my forehead and temples, causes ear aches, neck aches that radiate into my shoulders. I'd go to bed with the pain and wake up with the pain. It was too much to take at times with the headaches within migraine territory. Sound sensitive, light sensitive, periods of sharp jabbing pains in my my ears and head. At times my hearing was effected as well. I've recently had a mouth guard fitted properly by my dentist, along with some great advice on how to deal with all these issues, and prevent it from getting worse. I'm so happy to say that I am finally feeling some relief! ( So much for not making any excuses right!?)
With the relief from the headaches, and the bright sunshine, and warmer weather I'm ready to get back into the game! My friend and co-worker convinced me to go for a walk with her before work the other night. A half hour and 2 miles later I was exhausted! I felt great though. Yesterday for Mother's Day my husband and son took me hiking at a few county parks to look at waterfalls. It was a fantastic day. My butt and abs were dying yesterday but feel wonderful today. I started my day off today with Shakeology. I need to have a snack or lunch here soon. I'd like to do some Turbo Jam. I wanted to do some ChaLean Extreme as well, but I don't want to do too much too fast.
I have some wonderful motivation as well. The dreaded 10 year high school reunion! I'm not totally dreading it. In fact I'm looking forward to seeing most of my classmates! It should be a fun time. I have gained an insane amount of weight since I was in high school. I wish I had a picture to share with you. I was a size 12-14 and at my thinnest weight ever. I was "goth" haha, yes one of them dorky kids. I've changed a lot. But I'm not happy with myself physically. I need more self esteem. I want to feel better all the way around. I want to feel healthy and happy. I know I need to get this whole exercise thing back on track, as well as my diet. Today is day 1 of my personal challenge to lose as much weight as I can in 6 weeks. I'm not going to lay out any goals for myself because I am done with disappointing myself, and setting myself up for failure. I want to lose weight. I WILL lose weight. I will be happy no matter what as long as I see the scale go down.
I am once again a fat chick with a mission!!!
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