Anyhow, I am okay with no loss. I mean, yeah, I would have loved to hit the 240s this week, but like a quote I read a few days ago says, "Don't wail on the scale if you cheat when you eat!" hee hee. The eating could have been a lot better this past week, but I still feel like I am moving forward. Not every victory has to be a victory on the scale. In fact, I am having more Non Scale Victories (NSV) than I thought, and each one feels so good.
Some of my NSVs lately -
I am most definitely down a pants size! I have 1 measly pair of jeans to my name that fit. Just one. In a size 22. I refused to buy more. Part of the whole hating to clothes shop thing, and part of the not wanting to admit I am fat. They are TOO BIG!!! I have to put a safety pin in them to try to keep them up, but even that doesn't seem to be enough some times. I officially need a 20! We're going shopping this week in civilization, and if I can find a pair that won't set me back too much $ (because I don't plan on needing them for long) I am getting new pants! :)
I was getting tired of feeling like every one of my C25k workouts was punishment, and that I wasn't moving anywhere, so this week, I redid Week 1 Day 1 of the program, and I could see a HUGE improvement! I could run each 60 seconds without questioning if I was going to make it like I did when I started. And to make it more difficult for myself, I pushed the pace to close to 5mph! It was great.
Another C25k NSV - I decided I wasn't ready to move on to Week 4 this week. The 2nd 3 minute run was beating me. It was awful. I wobbled between stopping, and pushing myself to the point that I thought I was going to puke. Neither happened (thankfully), but it wasn't any fun either. It wasn't something I was looking forward to, and I knew there was no way I could run like that for 5 minutes. So today I gave myself permission to run slower on the 3 minute runs. You know what happened? I LOVED it! I loved not having to question if I was going to make it. So my pace slowed from 18:06 per mile to 19:00 per mile. I don't care, because I had fun! And it was empowering to allow myself a little wiggle room. To not be pushing it so hard that I hate it. I don't HAVE to hate getting healthy. I should love it. And today I did.
My aunt recently emailed me, and part of it was so powerful for me, I was in tears. I'd like to share some of it with you.
What really inspired my prayers and writing was your comment about how you will start to tell someone about what you are doing and then start discounting it. I just want to say.....DON'T Ever Do That Again! It made me feel so sad. There is nothing negative about what you are doing. It is all good. This is an incredible journey you are on and the beginning is just as important as the finish. So you don't look like a marathon runner right now. That is not the point. With confidence you tell others, and you inspire others. It is like saying the first part of anything isn't as important as the last. That is not true. If you don't pour the foundation on a house you can't possibly build the walls and put the roof on it. The first stone laid to build a church is as important as the last. You are laying the ground work, traveling the hardest part of the road right now for the sweet, sweet victory of the finish line later.I had never thought about what I am doing right now being a foundation for things yet to come. I was in the mind set of "when I get to X pounds, I can do Y." I need to stop focusing on what I can't do yet, and put more energy and joy into what I CAN do now. So I can't run at a 5mph pace for 3 minutes yet. Big deal. I CAN run at a 3.5mph pace, and I LIKE it. And 5 minutes doesn't seem so scary anymore. My slower pace is just the foundation.... It's not the prettiest part of the house, but there would be no pretty part without it. It's boring and nobody says "Oh, look at that foundation - I want that!!!" But the beautiful part of my house and my journey are coming.