Well, we're here still. Just trying to get through life day to day it seems. I know Heidi would agree with me that we've both fallen off track, but haven't lost the goal of health. I think we're both also putting self-love and self-confidence in front of being skinny though. Being people we like, and live up to the awesomeness that we both know the other one has - others see it too. We both need to learn and remember that being fat does not make us second class citizens who have to give 110% to others, only to be left with a deficit when it comes to ourselves.
I am still working on making changes in my life that are healthier. In fact, I've had two pretty amazing opportunities open up to me lately. First of all, I am working at a gym a couple times a week providing childcare during fitness classes. Since they are at night, I can leave the Rowdy Bunch at home with Brian, and workout for an hour when I am done, ALL. BY. MYSELF. I am not digging the nights, but I am loving the time alone. I think a friend would be more fun to work out with, but I don't know if I would work harder or not. Also, a friend of mine, who manages the gym, has offered me some personal training for FREE. I haven't taken her up on it yet because I haven't found a time that works well for me. Plus I think if I am honest, I want to get to point where I can do a little more. I guess maybe what I really need to do is talk to her, and see what she thinks.
Secondly, I have been given the opportunity to take over the social media and website of a local Organic Farm in exchange for fresh produce and other farm goods, that are ALL organic. I watched Food, Inc. the other night, and O.M.G. if you haven't seen that, you really need to. This May, we have Joel Salatin of Polyface, Inc. (and heavily featured in Food, Inc.) coming here to town to speak. I am still trying to get Brian on board with it, but my plan is for us to slowly switch to more and more organic foods. Living where we do, our choices for organic foods are quite limited in the grocery store, but we can get there, I know we can.
I haven't run since the end of October. I was having pain in my foot almost constantly while I ran, and then after a marathon shopping trip with a friend, the pain lasted for almost 3 weeks. I finally bit the bullet and went to the doctor. My PCP put me in a walking boot, but then after having pain a few days later still, he referred me to an Orthopedic doc. Apparently my right foot is not the foot of a 30-year-old. I have arthritis in all the joints, causing me to walk/run wrong, and this is causing cysts on the bones of my toes. So I spent quite some time in the walking boot, and now I am trying to stay away from things that are high impact on my feet. So no running for a long time for me. I will get back there though. I've been doing weight lifting, and riding a stationary bike. I plan on getting to the pool soon, too. Just need to get a new swimsuit.
Hope 2012 is finding you doing well, and loving life!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Thursday, October 13, 2011
...
Hello everyone out there in Blogland... sorry its been so long! Life has certainly gotten in the way of me, and I've been tripping, and falling all over it. Still haven't quite caught my balance, although I'm hoping I land back on both feet soon. All I can do at this point is take it one step at a time.
Not only has life gotten in the way, its also been a complete and utter living nightmare. This past spring and summer life wasn't bad. It was busy, and depression got the best of me. With Ethan home on summer break, and working midnight shift I had to catch sleep when and where I could, as well as maintain some semblance of organization and finding time to have fun and create memories. Work was/is always stressful, and I have a hard time letting go of that stress on the door out of the building. It stays with me all day. Doesn't help an already depressed person get on with the day, I can tell you that much. But I got through it. During the end of summer my husband took charge and decided we were going to overhaul our grocery shopping and eating habits. Having him take the lead was so nice. It wasn't me nagging him, it was him nagging me for a change and we did it together. We were spending less money on our groceries, yet we were eating healthier than ever. I've realized that our local grocery store is a big trigger for me so I avoid it if at all possible. In late July I threw a huge birthday party for my husbands 30th birthday. It was so much fun. This was a turning point for my depression. I started feeling happy once again.
Then came fall. Ethan, my big and independent boy, started 2nd grade. Life was evening out, and it was better than it has been in a long time. Everything was ho-hum, boring, but good. Then I got the phone call....
Saturday September 24th 1:00pm I was woken up to the phone ringing. My husband handed me the phone. It was my aunt. I KNEW something wasn't right. When she asked if I was sitting down, it only furthered my panic. Then she said the words "Kenny passed away" See, I am the oldest of 5 kids. Kenny was the 2nd oldest of us. He was only 25! He lived with my grandma. Our Aunt Vicky went over that morning to can tomatoes with Grandma. It wasn't unusual for Ken to sleep in on weekends he didn't have to work. Around noon grandma decided to go check on him. She found him. He had passed away in his sleep.
I don't even know what to say. My heart was instantly shattered, and while I'm hoping that I am starting to heal, I know it won't ever be whole. Losing Kenny was worse than losing our mom. We may never know why he passed, but we do know that he passed peacefully, and he was in no pain. That is a blessing!
I'll spare you all the ugly details, but lets just say I've been coping through food... big time. Like a bag of chips a day kinda coping. Its been UGLY! Thats what we do in our family. We eat! But as we were sitting around my grandma's kitchen table my brother Matt brought up a very good point. He said there is NO REASON why any of us can't see a doctor, get a physical, and know whats going on with our bodies. I said "you know, you are right" and I called right at that moment and I made the appointment with my physician. I didn't realize how afraid I was that I might have had something wrong until I pulled in the parking lot. Its so much easier to live in the dark, and denial that there'd even be a possibility that I'd be unhealthy or sick in some major way. I needed to know though, because I need to be here for my family. The doc did the full work up. Even had an EKG. EKG, physical, and all the blood work they did all turned out PERFECT! YES even my cholesterol and triglycerides were within normal and healthy limits! Here I am 140 pounds overweight (if not more) and I am perfectly healthy! What a blessing! How amazing! Now if I could only get the pain from my PCOS (which my insulin level is great, and I am not on metformin so whoohoo on that one!) under control I'll be good to go!!
One thing my GYN recommended to me yesterday was to do 10 minutes of stretching every single day. Make it a non negotiable. I've been wanting to get into Yoga anyway. I can do 10 minutes! My plan is to take this good health and run with it! I CAN do it. I can maintain this clean bill of health that I've been given.
My plan for today and tomorrow: to not give into the fear and panic so much, to do my 10 minutes a day of stretching, to treat myself better by not eating as much junk. I'm giving myself permission to mourn as I need to as well. I miss him. The world isn't right without him here.
Not only has life gotten in the way, its also been a complete and utter living nightmare. This past spring and summer life wasn't bad. It was busy, and depression got the best of me. With Ethan home on summer break, and working midnight shift I had to catch sleep when and where I could, as well as maintain some semblance of organization and finding time to have fun and create memories. Work was/is always stressful, and I have a hard time letting go of that stress on the door out of the building. It stays with me all day. Doesn't help an already depressed person get on with the day, I can tell you that much. But I got through it. During the end of summer my husband took charge and decided we were going to overhaul our grocery shopping and eating habits. Having him take the lead was so nice. It wasn't me nagging him, it was him nagging me for a change and we did it together. We were spending less money on our groceries, yet we were eating healthier than ever. I've realized that our local grocery store is a big trigger for me so I avoid it if at all possible. In late July I threw a huge birthday party for my husbands 30th birthday. It was so much fun. This was a turning point for my depression. I started feeling happy once again.
Then came fall. Ethan, my big and independent boy, started 2nd grade. Life was evening out, and it was better than it has been in a long time. Everything was ho-hum, boring, but good. Then I got the phone call....
Saturday September 24th 1:00pm I was woken up to the phone ringing. My husband handed me the phone. It was my aunt. I KNEW something wasn't right. When she asked if I was sitting down, it only furthered my panic. Then she said the words "Kenny passed away" See, I am the oldest of 5 kids. Kenny was the 2nd oldest of us. He was only 25! He lived with my grandma. Our Aunt Vicky went over that morning to can tomatoes with Grandma. It wasn't unusual for Ken to sleep in on weekends he didn't have to work. Around noon grandma decided to go check on him. She found him. He had passed away in his sleep.
I don't even know what to say. My heart was instantly shattered, and while I'm hoping that I am starting to heal, I know it won't ever be whole. Losing Kenny was worse than losing our mom. We may never know why he passed, but we do know that he passed peacefully, and he was in no pain. That is a blessing!
I'll spare you all the ugly details, but lets just say I've been coping through food... big time. Like a bag of chips a day kinda coping. Its been UGLY! Thats what we do in our family. We eat! But as we were sitting around my grandma's kitchen table my brother Matt brought up a very good point. He said there is NO REASON why any of us can't see a doctor, get a physical, and know whats going on with our bodies. I said "you know, you are right" and I called right at that moment and I made the appointment with my physician. I didn't realize how afraid I was that I might have had something wrong until I pulled in the parking lot. Its so much easier to live in the dark, and denial that there'd even be a possibility that I'd be unhealthy or sick in some major way. I needed to know though, because I need to be here for my family. The doc did the full work up. Even had an EKG. EKG, physical, and all the blood work they did all turned out PERFECT! YES even my cholesterol and triglycerides were within normal and healthy limits! Here I am 140 pounds overweight (if not more) and I am perfectly healthy! What a blessing! How amazing! Now if I could only get the pain from my PCOS (which my insulin level is great, and I am not on metformin so whoohoo on that one!) under control I'll be good to go!!
One thing my GYN recommended to me yesterday was to do 10 minutes of stretching every single day. Make it a non negotiable. I've been wanting to get into Yoga anyway. I can do 10 minutes! My plan is to take this good health and run with it! I CAN do it. I can maintain this clean bill of health that I've been given.
My plan for today and tomorrow: to not give into the fear and panic so much, to do my 10 minutes a day of stretching, to treat myself better by not eating as much junk. I'm giving myself permission to mourn as I need to as well. I miss him. The world isn't right without him here.
Friday, October 7, 2011
*ahem* Forget about me?
It's okay. I did too. I took myself off the list again. I let life happen and put lots of other people in front of me and my health.
I am trying to get back to me near the top. At the top seems so hard for me with 2 kids not in school yet. It seems like someone always needs something. I know it's stupid to not put me first and foremost, but I haven't quite figured out how to make an almost 2-year-old and almost 4-year-old understand that the world doesn't revolve around them.
I started over with the Couch to 5k program. I just finished Week 2. I didn't want to come post right away, kind of because I needed to prove to me that I was ready to do this again, and was serious about it. Not a "Oh hooray! Look at me!" kind of post.
So, good things about this -
I am trying to get back to me near the top. At the top seems so hard for me with 2 kids not in school yet. It seems like someone always needs something. I know it's stupid to not put me first and foremost, but I haven't quite figured out how to make an almost 2-year-old and almost 4-year-old understand that the world doesn't revolve around them.
I started over with the Couch to 5k program. I just finished Week 2. I didn't want to come post right away, kind of because I needed to prove to me that I was ready to do this again, and was serious about it. Not a "Oh hooray! Look at me!" kind of post.
So, good things about this -
- I started over at a faster pace than I did the first time.
- I know I can do it because I've already been there, run that. :)
- I have the shoes already (and let's face it, every girl needs the right pair of shoes)
- I know how to make it work for me
Not so good things -
- I don't seem to be getting the same runner's high as I was before. It still feels slightly torturous.
- I have been dealing with costochondritis since July, and since I am such a big fan of doctors, well... yeah.
That's how it is now. I know Heidi's been dealing with some stuff too, but she's working on getting back here, too. So don't lose hope in us. We're just struggling a little is all. :)
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
LIGHT BULB!!!
This doesn't need much introduction, but just imagine Mr. Gru from Despicable Me
with the "Light bulb" scene when you see this next image.
Yeah, that was me, too.
Borrowed from Tara's blog.
Quick check-in
Look at that - it's not even 10:00 here, and I've already done something to make me feel better. :) Aren't you proud of me? I even did something last night.
A few days ago, I decided to start the 100 Push-up Challenge again, but this time I am going to do them the "girly" way. I am a girl, so I might as well embrace it, huh? Seriously, I decided to do it because last time we got to a point on the challenge where it was moving up in repetitions faster than my muscles were building or weight was coming off (or a combination of the 2), and it was discouraging. So this time I am going to go with the girly way up to 100, and then start again. I did the exhaustion test that day, and surprised myself with 12! Last night at about 10:00 I figured there was no time like the present to start, so I did my pushups in my jammies.
Today I figured I would run again, since I know how awesome the runner's high is, and I could use that kind of feeling now especially. I've run a few times in the last couple weeks, and went back to the C25k intervals. I know the program works, so it's a good thing for me. I did Week 2 Day 2 this morning, and I feel great. I am trying hard to not focus on the negative, and just go with the positive.
So, it's a start. :)
♥
A few days ago, I decided to start the 100 Push-up Challenge again, but this time I am going to do them the "girly" way. I am a girl, so I might as well embrace it, huh? Seriously, I decided to do it because last time we got to a point on the challenge where it was moving up in repetitions faster than my muscles were building or weight was coming off (or a combination of the 2), and it was discouraging. So this time I am going to go with the girly way up to 100, and then start again. I did the exhaustion test that day, and surprised myself with 12! Last night at about 10:00 I figured there was no time like the present to start, so I did my pushups in my jammies.
Today I figured I would run again, since I know how awesome the runner's high is, and I could use that kind of feeling now especially. I've run a few times in the last couple weeks, and went back to the C25k intervals. I know the program works, so it's a good thing for me. I did Week 2 Day 2 this morning, and I feel great. I am trying hard to not focus on the negative, and just go with the positive.
So, it's a start. :)
♥
Monday, June 20, 2011
Rough Day...
Today has been hard for me. Really hard. I got on the scale to see just how much I've gained back. 17lbs. Ouch! I am so mad at myself, and for letting everything be more important than me again.
This starts such a spiral in me, too. It's where the "what does it matter" thoughts come from. And the "it's never going to happen" thoughts.
I HAVE to get back on track. And I need to learn to like me again. I think part of the down in the dumps crap is all part of being female and having wacked out hormones for part of the month. And part of it is that I realize NOW how much better I felt. It sure didn't seem like I was getting anywhere, but I know better now. Why is it that hindsight is always 20/20? And why is it that getting back there now seems so much harder than it did before?
I wish someone could give me answers to these questions, though they are more rhetorical than anything. Tomorrow is another day, and I will do something for me to make me feel better... I just need to figure out what it is.
This starts such a spiral in me, too. It's where the "what does it matter" thoughts come from. And the "it's never going to happen" thoughts.
I HAVE to get back on track. And I need to learn to like me again. I think part of the down in the dumps crap is all part of being female and having wacked out hormones for part of the month. And part of it is that I realize NOW how much better I felt. It sure didn't seem like I was getting anywhere, but I know better now. Why is it that hindsight is always 20/20? And why is it that getting back there now seems so much harder than it did before?
I wish someone could give me answers to these questions, though they are more rhetorical than anything. Tomorrow is another day, and I will do something for me to make me feel better... I just need to figure out what it is.
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Regaining Lost Ground
So I've been pretty quiet. The quietness has been my refusal (or denial) to accept that I've lost a lot of ground. Both on the scale, and with the running. I could tell you all my excuses reasons why, but I won't. Because no matter what the issues were, it doesn't change the now. The simple fact is that I wasn't putting in the effort, and I wasn't eating like I should.
One thing I think that has put up a road block for me is fear of who I will be when I get to goal. Everyone talks about this "new person" they become when they lose weight, or go through any major life altering event. I don't WANT to change. I like who I am. Do they mean personality, or habits, or likes, or what? I don't do well with change. I am a planner. So I have a fear of myself. Pretty stupid and irrational, but I believe that's the definition of true fear. Why can't I shake it? Any suggestions you have on the matter would be HUGELY appreciated.
So I am trying to regain the ground I lost, and just find a "new normal" for me, and go with it. I want this, I want to be healthier, and know that I will be around for my boys, and that's my driving factor right now - the 3 (okay 4, Brian is one of the Rowdy Bunch, too) of them.
One thing I think that has put up a road block for me is fear of who I will be when I get to goal. Everyone talks about this "new person" they become when they lose weight, or go through any major life altering event. I don't WANT to change. I like who I am. Do they mean personality, or habits, or likes, or what? I don't do well with change. I am a planner. So I have a fear of myself. Pretty stupid and irrational, but I believe that's the definition of true fear. Why can't I shake it? Any suggestions you have on the matter would be HUGELY appreciated.
So I am trying to regain the ground I lost, and just find a "new normal" for me, and go with it. I want this, I want to be healthier, and know that I will be around for my boys, and that's my driving factor right now - the 3 (okay 4, Brian is one of the Rowdy Bunch, too) of them.
Monday, May 9, 2011
6 weeks
Spring is FINALLY here! In the Upper Peninsula of Michigan it feels like we have snow 6-7 months of the year. When it feels like spring has sprung Mother Nature feels it necessary to bury us a few more times. Its frustrating. Its depressing!
During this past winter I've fallen off the wagon big time. I know I blogged about it a few times, and I made a few half hearted attempts to get back on. I've failed. I could come up with a bunch of excuses, a couple of them valid, most of them not, but I won't. All of us suffer through being busy, work, weather, headaches, etc. I let all of those things get in my way. I've been very unhappy.
I've recently been diagnosed with TMJ (Temporomandibular joint disorder) and Bruxism (grinding of the teeth.) For the past 3-4 months I've had non-stop headaches. The pain starts in my forehead and temples, causes ear aches, neck aches that radiate into my shoulders. I'd go to bed with the pain and wake up with the pain. It was too much to take at times with the headaches within migraine territory. Sound sensitive, light sensitive, periods of sharp jabbing pains in my my ears and head. At times my hearing was effected as well. I've recently had a mouth guard fitted properly by my dentist, along with some great advice on how to deal with all these issues, and prevent it from getting worse. I'm so happy to say that I am finally feeling some relief! ( So much for not making any excuses right!?)
With the relief from the headaches, and the bright sunshine, and warmer weather I'm ready to get back into the game! My friend and co-worker convinced me to go for a walk with her before work the other night. A half hour and 2 miles later I was exhausted! I felt great though. Yesterday for Mother's Day my husband and son took me hiking at a few county parks to look at waterfalls. It was a fantastic day. My butt and abs were dying yesterday but feel wonderful today. I started my day off today with Shakeology. I need to have a snack or lunch here soon. I'd like to do some Turbo Jam. I wanted to do some ChaLean Extreme as well, but I don't want to do too much too fast.
I have some wonderful motivation as well. The dreaded 10 year high school reunion! I'm not totally dreading it. In fact I'm looking forward to seeing most of my classmates! It should be a fun time. I have gained an insane amount of weight since I was in high school. I wish I had a picture to share with you. I was a size 12-14 and at my thinnest weight ever. I was "goth" haha, yes one of them dorky kids. I've changed a lot. But I'm not happy with myself physically. I need more self esteem. I want to feel better all the way around. I want to feel healthy and happy. I know I need to get this whole exercise thing back on track, as well as my diet. Today is day 1 of my personal challenge to lose as much weight as I can in 6 weeks. I'm not going to lay out any goals for myself because I am done with disappointing myself, and setting myself up for failure. I want to lose weight. I WILL lose weight. I will be happy no matter what as long as I see the scale go down.
I am once again a fat chick with a mission!!!
During this past winter I've fallen off the wagon big time. I know I blogged about it a few times, and I made a few half hearted attempts to get back on. I've failed. I could come up with a bunch of excuses, a couple of them valid, most of them not, but I won't. All of us suffer through being busy, work, weather, headaches, etc. I let all of those things get in my way. I've been very unhappy.
I've recently been diagnosed with TMJ (Temporomandibular joint disorder) and Bruxism (grinding of the teeth.) For the past 3-4 months I've had non-stop headaches. The pain starts in my forehead and temples, causes ear aches, neck aches that radiate into my shoulders. I'd go to bed with the pain and wake up with the pain. It was too much to take at times with the headaches within migraine territory. Sound sensitive, light sensitive, periods of sharp jabbing pains in my my ears and head. At times my hearing was effected as well. I've recently had a mouth guard fitted properly by my dentist, along with some great advice on how to deal with all these issues, and prevent it from getting worse. I'm so happy to say that I am finally feeling some relief! ( So much for not making any excuses right!?)
With the relief from the headaches, and the bright sunshine, and warmer weather I'm ready to get back into the game! My friend and co-worker convinced me to go for a walk with her before work the other night. A half hour and 2 miles later I was exhausted! I felt great though. Yesterday for Mother's Day my husband and son took me hiking at a few county parks to look at waterfalls. It was a fantastic day. My butt and abs were dying yesterday but feel wonderful today. I started my day off today with Shakeology. I need to have a snack or lunch here soon. I'd like to do some Turbo Jam. I wanted to do some ChaLean Extreme as well, but I don't want to do too much too fast.
I have some wonderful motivation as well. The dreaded 10 year high school reunion! I'm not totally dreading it. In fact I'm looking forward to seeing most of my classmates! It should be a fun time. I have gained an insane amount of weight since I was in high school. I wish I had a picture to share with you. I was a size 12-14 and at my thinnest weight ever. I was "goth" haha, yes one of them dorky kids. I've changed a lot. But I'm not happy with myself physically. I need more self esteem. I want to feel better all the way around. I want to feel healthy and happy. I know I need to get this whole exercise thing back on track, as well as my diet. Today is day 1 of my personal challenge to lose as much weight as I can in 6 weeks. I'm not going to lay out any goals for myself because I am done with disappointing myself, and setting myself up for failure. I want to lose weight. I WILL lose weight. I will be happy no matter what as long as I see the scale go down.
I am once again a fat chick with a mission!!!
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Back in the Swing of Things
I've been trying to get back into the swing of things. The day after we got home from Salt Lake City, I woke up with a horrible chest cold. I had to say a prayer of thanks that I hadn't gotten it any sooner than I did - that would have seriously derailed me. But it's still lingering.... ugh.
I am also heavily involved in two projects/events that are taking up a lot of my time. Both of these things are very near and dear to my heart, so I am okay with them consuming me for the time being. One of them is this Saturday morning... the other is the end of May. That one is a fun run/walk, which I am excited about... I've walked it the last 2 years... this year I plan on running it.
So I am basically saying that I am getting back to the running, slowly, but surely. So don't think that I've forgotten about it... it's ingrained in me now! :)
I am also heavily involved in two projects/events that are taking up a lot of my time. Both of these things are very near and dear to my heart, so I am okay with them consuming me for the time being. One of them is this Saturday morning... the other is the end of May. That one is a fun run/walk, which I am excited about... I've walked it the last 2 years... this year I plan on running it.
So I am basically saying that I am getting back to the running, slowly, but surely. So don't think that I've forgotten about it... it's ingrained in me now! :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Salt Lake City Adoption 5k Recap
*giggle* Do you know how cool it is for me that I get to write a RACE recap??? For a race that I ran?!?!?
Okay, let's start at the beginning shall we?
It was a cold and stormy morning.... really. It was awful. Our drive from the Frozen Tundra to the Big City was ho.rr.ib.le. But we made it safe and sound. Just before we headed out for some supper Friday night, I got an email from the race director that the race would NOT be canceled, no matter what the weather was like, but he was trying to modify the course to keep us out of the 3 - 4" deep mud on the original course. Saturday morning we got up bright and early to get the Rowdy Bunch fed and bundled up before we headed over to Wheeler Farm for the race. I was pretty nervous when we got there, but I went over and picked up my race bib (can I just say that 125 is my new favorite number???)
We unloaded the Rowdy Bunch, and tried to kill a bit of time before the race started. I am guessing the temperature was in the low 30s. And the snow was pretty heavy.
The Rowdy Bunch and I
The new race route had us running a block race rather than the 3 loops originally planned. I was a bit bummed because it meant I wasn't going to see Brian and the boys a few times like I thought. It was me on my own until the finish line. As everyone was getting ready behind the starting line, I made my way towards the back. I zeroed my ipod stopwatch, and started the tunes. Raise Your Glass by P!nk came on just as the gun sounded, pretty perfectly. I had my Broncos hoodie on, with the hood up, that's how cold I was. I tried to stay near the back because I knew I wasn't going to be the fastest.
The snow made things slick, but not as bad as I'd feared. About 15 minutes into the race, I started feeling odd. It took me a few minutes to realize I was HOT! lol I had been cold so long that morning, I didn't recognize what the feeling was. I lost probably a minute or so stopping to take my hoodie off and get everything situated again. I was feeling great, enjoying myself and just running. As I rounded the last corner and could see Wheeler Farm, the tears just came. I had to walk for a bit because I couldn't breathe. I knew finishing was going to be emotional for me, but I didn't expect it to hit me that hard. I started running again, and was so happy (as evidence by my official race photo, which is rather cheesy in my not so humble opinion).
And then I saw Brian and the boys, and they were cheering (along with all the other spectators at the finish line) and I lost it again. I ran across the Finish Line, tears streaming down my face, so overwhelmed.
The boys ran over and gave me kisses and hugs... it was awesome. So much better than I ever could have imagined. Matthew kept telling me "I'm so proud of you, Mommy." And Christopher said "Good job racing, Mommy." ♥ I forgot to stop my ipod as soon as I crossed the finish line, but when I did remember, I didn't think it had been too long. My ipod said 44:35 - best time yet. I figured my official time would be close to that, but when the results were finally posted tonight, I was BLOWN away - 41:20. That's a 13:20 minute mile. So much for my goal of 50:00 or less, huh? 41:20 is a PR for me. And such an amazing accomplishment. I am absolutely going to do this again. The difference between going out for a run and running in a race is night and day.
I am so proud of myself, and the fact that I met a MAJOR goal that I set for myself is amazing. Less than 6 months ago, I made a goal of running a 5k. To say that I accomplished that is still just amazing to me.
♥
P.S. I am so letting myself feel like a BAMF for running my first 5k in all that damn snow! lol At least for a little while. It's okay to be hard core now and then. :)
Friday, April 8, 2011
This is it...
Tomorrow is the big day. My first 5k. MY FIRST 5k!!!
Okay, whew. Sorry, I had to yell it for my head. I still don't think it's quite sunk in. I am still nervous, but it's getting better. Except for one itty-bitty, teensey-weensy little thing. I like to call that thing Mother Nature. Apparently Mother Nature is under the impression that if you live in the frozen tundra, and you travel anywhere before, say April 15th, you should take normal frozen tundra weather with you. Yes, you read that right. The forecast for the rest of today (our travel day) and tomorrow from the Frozen Tundra to SLC is SN*W!
Snow.... not quite what I bargained for, but I think it will be okay. I haven't run in over a week. Stupid legs think I enjoy being in pain. And I'm prepared for that again for tomorrow, but I WILL push through it. My goal is 50:00 or less. I don't know what kind of a monkey wrench the weather will throw into that plan, but it's going to do something! :)
All I care about though is seeing Brian and the Rowdy Bunch at the finish line. I've come a long long way since October, and after 3.1 miles tomorrow, I will have met a goal that I didn't know was possible!
♥
Okay, whew. Sorry, I had to yell it for my head. I still don't think it's quite sunk in. I am still nervous, but it's getting better. Except for one itty-bitty, teensey-weensy little thing. I like to call that thing Mother Nature. Apparently Mother Nature is under the impression that if you live in the frozen tundra, and you travel anywhere before, say April 15th, you should take normal frozen tundra weather with you. Yes, you read that right. The forecast for the rest of today (our travel day) and tomorrow from the Frozen Tundra to SLC is SN*W!
Snow.... not quite what I bargained for, but I think it will be okay. I haven't run in over a week. Stupid legs think I enjoy being in pain. And I'm prepared for that again for tomorrow, but I WILL push through it. My goal is 50:00 or less. I don't know what kind of a monkey wrench the weather will throw into that plan, but it's going to do something! :)
All I care about though is seeing Brian and the Rowdy Bunch at the finish line. I've come a long long way since October, and after 3.1 miles tomorrow, I will have met a goal that I didn't know was possible!
♥
I did it!
I did it! I stayed on my diet the entire week! When I recommitted to my weight loss journey I told myself I wanted to get back into the 250's by the end of the week. I met my goal! I am back down to 74lbs lost! Very very good feeling! I KNOW I can do this! I know what to do, what to eat. I just have to push myself, and give myself NO excuses! I have to forgive myself and move on when I slip up. I might not be where I want to be, but I'm sure not where I was. I won't go back there. I refuse! So onward, and upward I go!
My next goal 255 by next week.
My next goal 255 by next week.
Monday, April 4, 2011
recommitment
Today is the day I cast all my excuses and complaints aside and recommit to changing my life! I have gained about 8 pounds back in the past couple of weeks. I am NOT happy with that. I am not happy with the way I am living my life right now. So, I'm going to change!
I am going to be keeping my food diary at myfitnesspal.com I have it set so my updates will post on facebook, just for added accountability. I've heard weight loss is 80% diet, so I am going to go back to my healthy eating. I'm also going to go back to Turbo Jam. Once I get in the groove with the cardio I'm going to add strength/weight training in with ChaLean Extreme.
I am excited! My goal is to get back down to 260 within the next 2 weeks. I hope its manageable! I just received info on my 10 year class reunion... gotta look good you know LOL
For now I must say ttfn. I worked last night, and I've fallen asleep 2 times while writing this blog LOL
I am going to be keeping my food diary at myfitnesspal.com I have it set so my updates will post on facebook, just for added accountability. I've heard weight loss is 80% diet, so I am going to go back to my healthy eating. I'm also going to go back to Turbo Jam. Once I get in the groove with the cardio I'm going to add strength/weight training in with ChaLean Extreme.
I am excited! My goal is to get back down to 260 within the next 2 weeks. I hope its manageable! I just received info on my 10 year class reunion... gotta look good you know LOL
For now I must say ttfn. I worked last night, and I've fallen asleep 2 times while writing this blog LOL
Monday, March 28, 2011
12 days and Counting....
And I am FUH-reaked out. It's just a 5k. I've got 4 of them under my belt so far. But this "real" one scares the heebee-jeebees out of me. Seriously. Like I think about it, and I feel like I am going to puke.
I've been trying to keep my head out of my running. All it's doing right now is making the running feel way more difficult. I KNOW I can do this. I am going to do it. But damned if the whole stupid thing doesn't make me shake in my running shoes.
Brian's been kind of "eh" in the support department about this, too. I've told him I am aLOT little scared, and his reply is "So then why are you doing it?" Makes me want to smack him. But then the fear subsides a teeny bit. Because I know why I am doing it. I've WORKED for this. I've worked hard. I've been running for 5 months, 1 week and 2 days. I'm not going to be the fastest runner out there, but I AM going to be the fastest me out there. And that's the most important thing. I just need to keep repeating it to myself over and over and over and over for the next 12 days.
I've been trying to keep my head out of my running. All it's doing right now is making the running feel way more difficult. I KNOW I can do this. I am going to do it. But damned if the whole stupid thing doesn't make me shake in my running shoes.
Brian's been kind of "eh" in the support department about this, too. I've told him I am a
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I Like Them, Sam-I-Am!
While I'm recovering from a cold that's left me feeling like something Mike Rowe from Dirty Jobs scrapes off his boot (nice mental picture, huh? No silly, Mike Rowe - NOT the boot scum), I thought I'd share a TASTY recipe I came up with.
I present to you....
Mushroom Onion Tomato Mini-Frittatas
5 slices bacon, cooked and chopped into chuncks
I present to you....
Mushroom Onion Tomato Mini-Frittatas
5 slices bacon, cooked and chopped into chuncks
- 1 medium yellow onion, minced
- 6 medium white mushrooms, chopped
- 2 roma tomatoes, chopped
- 8 large eggs
- 1/4 cup non-fat cottage cheese
- 1 tbsp. dried parsley
Using a non-stick pan or griddle, saute onions on med. high heat. Add mushrooms when onions begin to turn opaque. Saute 4-5 minutes, until mushrooms reach desired consistency. Let onions and mushrooms cool slightly.
In a large bowl, beat eggs until foamy. Add remaining ingredients, and fold to incorporate.
Spray a 12-serving muffin tin with non-stick cooking spray. Fill each cup with 1/4 cup of the egg mixture. Bake at 350 degrees F for 15 - 20 minutes, or until frittata is springy in the center. Remove from oven, and loosen with a knife. Serve warm.
Makes 6 2-mini frittata servings.
In a large bowl, beat eggs until foamy. Add remaining ingredients, and fold to incorporate.
Spray a 12-serving muffin tin with non-stick cooking spray. Fill each cup with 1/4 cup of the egg mixture. Bake at 350 degrees F for 15 - 20 minutes, or until frittata is springy in the center. Remove from oven, and loosen with a knife. Serve warm.
Makes 6 2-mini frittata servings.
All I can say is yum-O!
For nutritional information, click here.
I made these last week in honor of Dr. Seuss's birthday. The only change I made was that I added green food coloring to the mixture, and called them Green Eggs and Ham Mini-Frittatas. The Rowdy Bunch was thrilled with them. In fact, I tried to give Nicholas the 2 that didn't have food coloring in them. He wanted nothing to do with them. However, he did eat THREE of the green ones. Guess the green made them a little more tasty! Enjoy!
I do so like
green eggs and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Sam-I-am!
green eggs and ham!
Thank you!
Thank you,
Sam-I-am!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Its NOT easy!
I am a bit annoyed and perturbed. This afternoon one of my facebook friends posted something that upset me. She said that its a lot easier to be overweight and unhealthy than it is to be fit and healthy. She has never been overweight, which upset me a lot more than it would have if she was posting her personal opinion based on her own experience.
It is NOT easy to be overweight. Its not easy to not be able to find clothes that fit right. Its not easy to play with your kids, because its not easy to move. Its not easy to feel uncomfortable around everyone. Its not easy to have no self confidence or any self esteem. It is NOT EASY changing our entire lives- OUR ENTIRE LIVES! to make changes to become healthier. It's not easy. Do I think its easy its be fit? Not necessarily. Do I think its easy to be thin? Not necessarily. I've never been fit, I've never been thin so I can't say if my life would be easier or harder. All I know is that I would not choose to be overweight, obese, or fat.
It is NOT easy to be overweight. Its not easy to not be able to find clothes that fit right. Its not easy to play with your kids, because its not easy to move. Its not easy to feel uncomfortable around everyone. Its not easy to have no self confidence or any self esteem. It is NOT EASY changing our entire lives- OUR ENTIRE LIVES! to make changes to become healthier. It's not easy. Do I think its easy its be fit? Not necessarily. Do I think its easy to be thin? Not necessarily. I've never been fit, I've never been thin so I can't say if my life would be easier or harder. All I know is that I would not choose to be overweight, obese, or fat.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
A Letter to Me
Dear Me,
You're stuck. I get that. Getting below 235 seems like the impossible right now. You are amazing at self-sabotage. The scale showing 240 again today proves that.
What I don't get is WHY??? What is it about 230 that seems so scary to you? It has to be fear that's keeping you from moving forward. It's not lack of knowledge. You know what to do, and how to do it.
You've been doing great (for the most part) with exercising and running. Last week you even ran your first sub 15:00 minute mile! That's HUGE! That's FIVE MINUTES less than when you started, PER MILE!
I wish you could see what other people seem to see. And stop being so damn self-critical. You're not going to be perfect, ever. No one is. Get over it and on with it.
Rather than focusing on what you can't do right now, it seems about damn time we start focusing on what you CAN again. You CAN run so much farther and faster than you could in October. You have stuck with this since then, too. That's 5 months. That in and of itself is amazing. This is a life change for you. Not something temporary. Better get used to the idea, though I do have to say that your outlook for the most part is a positive one. Not wanting to lose any more ground is a good place to be.
I know you can do this, and more importantly, I know you WILL do this. We just gotta find a way to get around, or over, under, through, whatever, this boulder in the road!
♥,
me
P.S. You finally found a 5k to run! GOOD JOB! The Salt Lake City Adoption 5k Family Fun Run and Walk is only 6 weeks away. Stop being scared. You can do this. You will be great! :) And I know there will be a few people excited to hear about your first race. So breathe. just breathe.
You're stuck. I get that. Getting below 235 seems like the impossible right now. You are amazing at self-sabotage. The scale showing 240 again today proves that.
What I don't get is WHY??? What is it about 230 that seems so scary to you? It has to be fear that's keeping you from moving forward. It's not lack of knowledge. You know what to do, and how to do it.
You've been doing great (for the most part) with exercising and running. Last week you even ran your first sub 15:00 minute mile! That's HUGE! That's FIVE MINUTES less than when you started, PER MILE!
I wish you could see what other people seem to see. And stop being so damn self-critical. You're not going to be perfect, ever. No one is. Get over it and on with it.
Rather than focusing on what you can't do right now, it seems about damn time we start focusing on what you CAN again. You CAN run so much farther and faster than you could in October. You have stuck with this since then, too. That's 5 months. That in and of itself is amazing. This is a life change for you. Not something temporary. Better get used to the idea, though I do have to say that your outlook for the most part is a positive one. Not wanting to lose any more ground is a good place to be.
I know you can do this, and more importantly, I know you WILL do this. We just gotta find a way to get around, or over, under, through, whatever, this boulder in the road!
♥,
me
P.S. You finally found a 5k to run! GOOD JOB! The Salt Lake City Adoption 5k Family Fun Run and Walk is only 6 weeks away. Stop being scared. You can do this. You will be great! :) And I know there will be a few people excited to hear about your first race. So breathe. just breathe.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
depression... its whats for dinner
I am forcing myself to write this blog today. I really don't want to write it. I don't know what I want to say. My thoughts and feelings are all over the place. I've pretty much given up on caring about how I eat. I've stopped exercising. I have gained back a few pounds. I'm turning to food for comfort. I feel empty. I'm numb. Pretty much hopeless. My anxiety has been very bad. I got a migraine last night. Woke up with it yet this morning. I don't know if its because of my earache (maybe pressure from an infection?) or if its just a migraine. I've been sleeping a lot. I feel constantly stressed out over everything. My house is a mess but I can't bring myself to do anything about it. I'm eating like shit, and I don't really care. Yet I feel guilty over all of it. I've been a bad friend (I am so sorry Erin!) I am trying very hard to put on the 'mask' and be a good mom and a good wife. Doing what I have to to get through the day so I can enter into my comfort zone of my couch and blanket. Last night was the first in a few weeks that I didn't crave carbs and chocolate. I just didn't care to do anything. I didn't want to read, didn't want to watch TV. I just wanted to lay here.
My depression takes everything out of me. It leaves me a shell of myself. I don't enjoy things I usually do. It takes everything and leaves me with nothing to give. So, please, forgive me! Please forgive my bad attitude, my lack of blog posts, and the addition of pounds on the scale. I'm disgusted with myself, I really truly am!
I'm going to try to give myself a few small, healthy goals to reach daily. I'm hoping that by meeting these goals I'll gain more confidence and I'll be able to bust out of this depression sooner rather than later.
GOALS:
1) Drink 1 shakeology a day as a meal replacement. (drank it for breakfast today)
2) State 1 thing I am thankful for each day. I will do this on facebook (Heidi Oczus if you want to add me)
3) Dance everyday! I don't think I have it in me to pull out a full workout, but I know I can turn on some music and dance to a few songs. I promise I will dance to at least 1 fast paced song everyday!
Those are all I can come up with right now that I know I will be able to stick to. I have others in mind like "do dishes everyday" but I know that isn't a reachable goal right now and I don't need anymore stress at the moment.
My depression takes everything out of me. It leaves me a shell of myself. I don't enjoy things I usually do. It takes everything and leaves me with nothing to give. So, please, forgive me! Please forgive my bad attitude, my lack of blog posts, and the addition of pounds on the scale. I'm disgusted with myself, I really truly am!
I'm going to try to give myself a few small, healthy goals to reach daily. I'm hoping that by meeting these goals I'll gain more confidence and I'll be able to bust out of this depression sooner rather than later.
GOALS:
1) Drink 1 shakeology a day as a meal replacement. (drank it for breakfast today)
2) State 1 thing I am thankful for each day. I will do this on facebook (Heidi Oczus if you want to add me)
3) Dance everyday! I don't think I have it in me to pull out a full workout, but I know I can turn on some music and dance to a few songs. I promise I will dance to at least 1 fast paced song everyday!
Those are all I can come up with right now that I know I will be able to stick to. I have others in mind like "do dishes everyday" but I know that isn't a reachable goal right now and I don't need anymore stress at the moment.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
You Know You're a Winner When...
You wrote comment #10!
Congratulations Jessica! I will be contacting you for your shipping information. Thanks to everyone for entering the giveaway. We're hoping to bring you more, and soon!
♥ Erin & Heidi
Friday, February 18, 2011
I Amazed Myself Today!
After my first 10 mile week, I decided 10 miles every week would be my goal. Last week's long run was a tad thwarted by 3 spills on the ice in less than 24 hours. Gotta love living in the frozen tundra. Anyway, last week I only managed to run 3 times, but still got in a solid 6.13 miles, thanks largely in part to the virtual 5k.
This week, I am on track for an 11-mile, yes, ELEVEN, as in 10 + 1, week. I ran another 5k on Monday, 2 days after the Running Mate 5k. This one was another virtual 5k for ♥Valentine's Day♥ on dailymile. I figured I would just get it done, no matter how long it took. 2 days after the first 5k, I had no real hope of any kind of PR, but lo and behold, I finished in 49:21, a full :50 faster!
My long run this week was another 4 miles. My first 4 mile run, I managed to keep a 17:34mm pace. Today, I totally blew that out of the water. 4 miles at an average 15:20mm pace. I've been doing a lot of walk/run intervals on the treadmill. I have such a hard time running for long periods of time on that stupid thing. I really have started to think of it as the DREADmill. I love the running, but I just can't seem to keep running, even though I KNOW I can. I hope this is still moving me forward, getting me closer to my goals. I do have to say though, running at 5.0 - 6.5mph is a lot easier now than it was. I can run that fast for a solid minute at least now, and before, 15 seconds made me feel like I was going to puke or die or both. So that is progress!
Oh yes, one other thing. I have *gulp* decided I am going to do the Pinedale Half Marathon in town in September. I am a tad scared, but since it is walker friendly, I am going to give it my best shot. I have 7 months to train for it from now, so I am hoping I can walk less than half of it, and run the rest of it. Still working on finding my first 5k - Brian's schedule conflicts with almost every one I have found that is somewhat close to the frozen tundra.
The giveaway closes tonight at 10pm. I am getting a night out with some girlfriends, so I am not sure when I will get the winner drawn and posted on here. I fully intend to NOT be home by 10, but stranger things have happened. If nothing else, early tomorrow morning I will have it up. The 10pm closing still applies - any comments left after 10pm will be deleted! :)
This week, I am on track for an 11-mile, yes, ELEVEN, as in 10 + 1, week. I ran another 5k on Monday, 2 days after the Running Mate 5k. This one was another virtual 5k for ♥Valentine's Day♥ on dailymile. I figured I would just get it done, no matter how long it took. 2 days after the first 5k, I had no real hope of any kind of PR, but lo and behold, I finished in 49:21, a full :50 faster!
My long run this week was another 4 miles. My first 4 mile run, I managed to keep a 17:34mm pace. Today, I totally blew that out of the water. 4 miles at an average 15:20mm pace. I've been doing a lot of walk/run intervals on the treadmill. I have such a hard time running for long periods of time on that stupid thing. I really have started to think of it as the DREADmill. I love the running, but I just can't seem to keep running, even though I KNOW I can. I hope this is still moving me forward, getting me closer to my goals. I do have to say though, running at 5.0 - 6.5mph is a lot easier now than it was. I can run that fast for a solid minute at least now, and before, 15 seconds made me feel like I was going to puke or die or both. So that is progress!
Oh yes, one other thing. I have *gulp* decided I am going to do the Pinedale Half Marathon in town in September. I am a tad scared, but since it is walker friendly, I am going to give it my best shot. I have 7 months to train for it from now, so I am hoping I can walk less than half of it, and run the rest of it. Still working on finding my first 5k - Brian's schedule conflicts with almost every one I have found that is somewhat close to the frozen tundra.
The giveaway closes tonight at 10pm. I am getting a night out with some girlfriends, so I am not sure when I will get the winner drawn and posted on here. I fully intend to NOT be home by 10, but stranger things have happened. If nothing else, early tomorrow morning I will have it up. The 10pm closing still applies - any comments left after 10pm will be deleted! :)
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