Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end...

Hey everyone. My name is Heidi and I am a Fat Chick. Yup! I admit it! There is no hiding it. Trying to deny my obesity is like trying to hide my hazel eyes and brown hair. I wanted my first post here to explain where I've come from, and how I got to where I am today.

I was a normal, healthy size as a child. I remember one day in the 4th grade, when I was being teased and bullied over my poodle hair cut and perm job, thinking "at least I'm not fat, I have that going for me." However, not long after that, the weight started piling on, and would not quit. I was a junior in high school and I wore a size 22. I had just switched schools and I was miserable. Over the summer going into senior year I cut my hair. In my depression and desperation I cut it all off! I dyed it black and I spiked it all out. My attitude started changing. I started Senior year wearing black clothes, black make up, black hair. Boys started noticing me. I stopped eating. Boys started noticing me more, and more. I went from a size 22, to a size 14 in a short period of time. I was 17, so I had youth on my side, but I was on the borderline of anorexia. It got to the point in which a very very small amount of food filled me up. What I was eating had no nutrition at all. I was thinner, I was *happier* (or thought I was happier, but I was still empty inside) but I was still unhealthy. Maybe even more-so than I was when I was fatter. Then...

I met Tom. This man changed my life! From the moment I laid my eyes on him, he's been the love of my life! I slowly started to become comfortable with myself. I started to eat again. When we moved in together the only foods I knew how to cook where large amounts of processed, extremely unhealthy foods. I didn't know how to cook/eat healthy, and to be perfectly healthy I didn't even know what that meant.

When I was trying to conceive my son, I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS for short.) I was told that I had to go on a low carb and high protein diet, like sugar busters, and lose weight if I were ever going to get pregnant. I lost some weight. Not a significant amount, but some. It took 18 months before I became pregnant. I can't remember how much weight I gained while pregnant. I know I never took it off though.

I am a depressed person. My postpartum stage wasn't easy on me. I took care of my son, but forgot to take care of myself. Never truly living life, but going through the motions. The next couple of years were a tailspin. My mom passed away. We bought a home and moved. Through the miracle of clomid I became pregnant again. We found out it was an ectopic pregnancy, and we went through eight weeks of hell. It all ended in an emergency surgery. We started a major remodeling project on our home. We are STILL going through the remodeling project (ugh, can we say STRESS?) My husband went to Virginia for work for a few months, which left me home alone to do it all in middle of winter. I was at my breaking point. I coped through food. I am so ashamed to say that I would eat a huge 1lb candy bar every day. Sometimes two. A bag of chips everyday. Fast food whenever I had the opportunity. A King Size value meal at Burger King was no longer filling me up so I'd order an extra burger.

In March I was at the grocery store. I noticed a flyer for a weight loss group starting up soon. I grabbed the number and went home. I talked to Tom, and said that I had to do something to change, because I couldn't keep going the way I was. It took me a good week to call the number. I was sweaty, and my heart was beating out of my chest. Clearly in middle of an anxiety attack, but I called. Turned out the woman starting the group was the cashier at the grocery store. She told me the time and place, and I said I'd be there. The next time at the grocery store I told her how afraid I was. She said "I am too. We all are. But we are going to do it together" I walked in the door that night, and my blood pressure was through the roof. My anxiety was out of control. I was on the verge of tears. I didn't know it then, but that night changed my life. I sat down next to a woman who would turn out to be one of my best friends, and I met many other amazing people that night. I stepped on the scale and held my breath, and looked down. I weighed in at 332 pounds. The measuring tape didn't go all the way around my hips. This is what I looked like that night:


Tonight I weight 278 pounds and this is what I look like:




My motto's have been "small changes make a big difference" and "slow and steady win the race." It took time to put on all this weight, and its going to take a lifetime to change. My goal isn't to be skinny, its to be healthy. I want to be here for my husband and son for a long time. I want to feel good about myself. I want to do fun things with my son! I want energy. I want to be happy. and I want to LIVE LIFE!