Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Every new beginning comes from some other beginnings end...

Hey everyone. My name is Heidi and I am a Fat Chick. Yup! I admit it! There is no hiding it. Trying to deny my obesity is like trying to hide my hazel eyes and brown hair. I wanted my first post here to explain where I've come from, and how I got to where I am today.

I was a normal, healthy size as a child. I remember one day in the 4th grade, when I was being teased and bullied over my poodle hair cut and perm job, thinking "at least I'm not fat, I have that going for me." However, not long after that, the weight started piling on, and would not quit. I was a junior in high school and I wore a size 22. I had just switched schools and I was miserable. Over the summer going into senior year I cut my hair. In my depression and desperation I cut it all off! I dyed it black and I spiked it all out. My attitude started changing. I started Senior year wearing black clothes, black make up, black hair. Boys started noticing me. I stopped eating. Boys started noticing me more, and more. I went from a size 22, to a size 14 in a short period of time. I was 17, so I had youth on my side, but I was on the borderline of anorexia. It got to the point in which a very very small amount of food filled me up. What I was eating had no nutrition at all. I was thinner, I was *happier* (or thought I was happier, but I was still empty inside) but I was still unhealthy. Maybe even more-so than I was when I was fatter. Then...

I met Tom. This man changed my life! From the moment I laid my eyes on him, he's been the love of my life! I slowly started to become comfortable with myself. I started to eat again. When we moved in together the only foods I knew how to cook where large amounts of processed, extremely unhealthy foods. I didn't know how to cook/eat healthy, and to be perfectly healthy I didn't even know what that meant.

When I was trying to conceive my son, I was diagnosed with PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS for short.) I was told that I had to go on a low carb and high protein diet, like sugar busters, and lose weight if I were ever going to get pregnant. I lost some weight. Not a significant amount, but some. It took 18 months before I became pregnant. I can't remember how much weight I gained while pregnant. I know I never took it off though.

I am a depressed person. My postpartum stage wasn't easy on me. I took care of my son, but forgot to take care of myself. Never truly living life, but going through the motions. The next couple of years were a tailspin. My mom passed away. We bought a home and moved. Through the miracle of clomid I became pregnant again. We found out it was an ectopic pregnancy, and we went through eight weeks of hell. It all ended in an emergency surgery. We started a major remodeling project on our home. We are STILL going through the remodeling project (ugh, can we say STRESS?) My husband went to Virginia for work for a few months, which left me home alone to do it all in middle of winter. I was at my breaking point. I coped through food. I am so ashamed to say that I would eat a huge 1lb candy bar every day. Sometimes two. A bag of chips everyday. Fast food whenever I had the opportunity. A King Size value meal at Burger King was no longer filling me up so I'd order an extra burger.

In March I was at the grocery store. I noticed a flyer for a weight loss group starting up soon. I grabbed the number and went home. I talked to Tom, and said that I had to do something to change, because I couldn't keep going the way I was. It took me a good week to call the number. I was sweaty, and my heart was beating out of my chest. Clearly in middle of an anxiety attack, but I called. Turned out the woman starting the group was the cashier at the grocery store. She told me the time and place, and I said I'd be there. The next time at the grocery store I told her how afraid I was. She said "I am too. We all are. But we are going to do it together" I walked in the door that night, and my blood pressure was through the roof. My anxiety was out of control. I was on the verge of tears. I didn't know it then, but that night changed my life. I sat down next to a woman who would turn out to be one of my best friends, and I met many other amazing people that night. I stepped on the scale and held my breath, and looked down. I weighed in at 332 pounds. The measuring tape didn't go all the way around my hips. This is what I looked like that night:

Tonight I weight 278 pounds and this is what I look like:


My motto's have been "small changes make a big difference" and "slow and steady win the race." It took time to put on all this weight, and its going to take a lifetime to change. My goal isn't to be skinny, its to be healthy. I want to be here for my husband and son for a long time. I want to feel good about myself. I want to do fun things with my son! I want energy. I want to be happy. and I want to LIVE LIFE!


  1. Yay Heidi!!! You have come so far! I am so proud of you and so happy to be traveling on this journey with you!

  2. IM so glad you guys are able to do this....I have been trying for years(and am now at 242 and it's embarrassing and shameful that i have let this happen :( )